Community activists and leaders have decided to remove the United States for its racist past, present, and future. From the genocide of Native Americans to the enslavement and oppression of black Americans to old Disney cartoons, to the All Lives Matter movement, America just keeps finding new ways to racist. “We gave America the best of intentions, but after some of its past scandals surfaced, we found it to be too problematic to continue our partnership with it,” a spokesperson for the ACLU told reporters. “Even its syrup is racist. It has become clear that the best thing for the world is simply to take down the United States. Those who don’t learn from history, are apparently doomed to repeat the ever-loving shit out of it. We plan to push it into the ocean.”

By Emily Sanchez