Worldwide, Karens who are an absolute delight have united to take a stand against the perpetuating stereotype associated with their name. “We were born Karens, but we aren’t Karens!” Karen Feldman of Boise declares. “Dog gone it, there are 42,387 of us — including Karins, Caryns, and the countless millennial variants — who’ve worked hard all of our lives to be kind and humble, and just like that, we are now the poster child of white entitlement? How is that fair to Karen Richards here who has been one of the biggest spokespeople for keeping the economy shut down? She badly wants a haircut but knows that her needs don’t outweigh the safety of others. And no, she’s not getting a bob cut and highlights!”
Karen Epp of Winnipeg added: “We don’t want to speak to the manager. We manage our inconveniences through self-reflection and appreciation of why businesses don’t honor 10-year-old coupons. Only once in my life have I called for a manager; there were pubes in my pasta, and even then I felt guilty calling them over.”
Karen Freeman of Atlanta was up next: “Don’t even get me started on Karens being racist against minorities. News flash: I’m a black-latino mix, and I’ve been subjected to that type of Karen racism. Damn it! See? Now you’ve got me saying it.”
“Also, I vaccinate my kids, so don’t go there neither.”
Lovely Karens United founder Karen Osterwalder of Chicago finishes with the group manifesto: “We are the wonderful Karens of the world, and we are here today to tell you that we exist, we are a decent people, and we do not embody any of the things that make up what you call ‘the K word.’ Also, please, PLEASE consider using another name instead, like Diane or Tiffany. They can be real bitches.”
By Andrew Froese
I’m a Caren – but can’t be bothered getting upset about this name nonsense. If all you Karen’s, Caryn’s – whatever want to unite, how about doing if about something really important.
I gather that this is a parody. But as real-life harassment of women named Karen is increasing, there really is a support group, and women named Karen are joining at the rate of 2-3 dozen per day.
As a Karen, I want to be part of a movement to end the perpetuating of our name as a buzzword to emote feelings of racism and white privilege. So unfair and demeaning to all of us Karens of the World! Let us all get together and legally do something about it!