"I wondered why God spared me, and started praying that the search party would find us before…and then I hear it. It was just a quiet whimper at first. And then it gets louder and louder, and I’m like, yep, I’d recognize that cry anywhere. That little mother-fucker is still balling his eyes out. How long am I going to have to lie here and listen to this?! Can’t the parents shut him up? Jesus!”
Late at night after his rally in Tulsa, Oklahoma, President Trump worked with his team to have Tulsa named a shithole country, protected as a historic site. "Even though the crowd was huge, and we had to have an overflow for the overflow venue, the President still feels like this move was necessary," Kellyanne Conway … Continue reading Trump Declares Tulsa An Official Shithole Country
Tulsa, OK "I'm tired of all you loosers with your black lives matters garbage. All lives matter. Got it? God loves everybody, so why don't you all just die and go to hell already," Bobby Robert posted on Facebook. "I thank Jesus for my President because he's not putting up with any of you're bull … Continue reading ‘All Lives Matter’ Guy Wishes Everyone Who Supports BLM Would Go To Hell Already
To show our appreciation and support for these heroes, we are donating these canisters to police to assist them in the hard work of ending the right to assemble during these challenging times, but low-key like so they're not the bad guys.
"I feel mortified by this. Why didn't anyone tell me to flip it the right way up? This is just like what happened to Japan."
"I figured if I just sit tight, I probably won't shoot anyone."
"Even its syrup is racist."
WASHINGTON After being roasted online for struggling to dead lift a cup of water during during his West Point commencement speech, President Trump marched to St. John's Church, doused protesters with tear gas, and lifted up his favorite glass of water for the world to see. "See? I lift it. I lift it every morning, … Continue reading Trump Marches To Church To Show He Can Hold Up Water Glass With One Hand
Dearborn, MI— "I've spent a lot of time researching the best ways to feng shui. I want to respect the tradition, and not go around white-washing history. It's an ancient art form, and she'll be here in 3-4 weeks," Gordon Reese told his roommate, Brian Garry. Upon further questioning, Garry reported it became clear to … Continue reading Guy Likes Feng Shui As Long As Feng Shui Means Have Sex With Blowup Dolls
WASHINGTON— In a shocking 6-3 decision, the U.S. Supreme Court, which includes former promising high school rapist Brett Kavanaugh somehow, has ruled that gays and trans-gendered are people for the most part. The Court has decided that the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which ended segregation in public places and banned employment discrimination on the … Continue reading Supreme Court Rules Gays Can Also Be Called People For Most Part