By Ron DeSantis
I know the past 3 months have been tough on us. In Florida, our economy really took a hit. But, thank God, we are finally past the China Flu. I know many of us suffered. My financial portfolio lost a third of its value. Some local officials chased innocent college students off beaches. Owners of bars and restaurants were forced to file complicated applications for forgivable Federal loans to ensure that their profit margins stayed stable. Our sex-club industry was devastated. Florida taxpayers were compelled to pay unemployment benefits to lazy minimum wage workers. Churches were martyred by local health departments who tried to stop shared communion, and hugging after services.
But, hallelujah, that’s all behind us now. Come visit Disney World. Bring Grandma, to enjoy that close family-time she has been missing. Send your teenagers for a wonderful beach party. Imagine the luxury of a massage and shared hot-tub in one of Miami’s spectacular resort hotels. And please, don’t forget our gorgeous prostitutes. Come to Florida and forget your troubles. But, don’t forget to make arrangements for your mandated two-week quarantine when you return home.
By Fred Gailey