During an interview with Chris Wallace, President Trump blabbed the answers to the Montreal Cognitive Assessment (MoCA), a test used to screen for mild cognitive impairment and Alzheimer’s disease. “We’ve been using the same test for decades,” explained Ziad Nasreddine MD. “So I was shocked when I saw the President telling everyone and their mother what was on the test. So here we are, Monday morning, scrambling for new answers. We can’t tell you, of course, what they are, but we’ve tossed around a few versions. ‘Virus, Confederacy, unemployment, daughter-wife,’ or ‘toilet paper, murder hornet, Twitter, Eric,’ are all on the table. Of course, I was a bit more surprised that he was bragging about taking the test, since the reason he was given it is that he is showing signs of dementia.”

The President was very proud of his results. “Oh yeah. I took that mocha (MoCA) test. I’ve always liked that stuff. I think it’s like chocolate. You can put it in all sorts of stuff. It’s from Mexico though, I think, so you got to watch out for it coming over here illegally, of course. But now they’re saying they have to change the answers before Biden takes it, and he really needs to. Sad. They’ll probably give him the answers first anyways.”

By Fred Gailey and Emily Sanchez