“We don’t know what else to say at this point to convince the half of you walking around with your hideous faces all exposed,” said a spokesman for a group of doctors on the steps of the Supreme Court, slightly to the left of another group of doctors. “We’re going out on a limb to say you are grossly overestimating your level of attractiveness. At this point, most of you look like 50 miles of bad road. With that being said, you wearing a mask will help conceal your ignorant and ugly face from the world, and that’s the important thing. So cover up, we’re tired of looking at you.”

By Emily Sanchez