Chicago, IL —

Many people are boycotting one of the Quaker Oats Company’s most popular line of cereals after news broke today that Cap’n Crunch was never in the United States Navy.

Tommi Bernardoni, a spokesperson for the company, admitted that the character was created to look that way after test markets showed there was little interest in the original version of the cereal, Mr. Crunch. “He was turned into a Cap’n because a lot of kids like things related to the military,” said Bernardoni. “And it worked. Kids love him. It’s not like anyone is buying it for the taste.”

Quaker Oats insists that it is not really a big deal and says there are no plans to remove his title as ‘Cap’n’. “We were working on some new cereal ideas, but we will need to wait for this to blow over before releasing Gen’ral O’s and Benghazi Berry Squares.”

By Ethan Moore