Lethbridge, AB —
Reports are coming in across the nation about a local parkour amateur, 4-year-old Noah Treliving, who just climbed to the apex of his parents’ couch and is about to pull off some sweet parkour moves. Building himself up to this moment after several successful jumps from his kid chair to the pillow on the floor, clearing an astounding 240-millimetre gap, Treliving lets his crew know he’s ready for some serious ass moves: “Mom, dad, watch me!” With the confidence of a triathlon champion and the skillset of a 70-year-old that’s been cut off by the bartender, Treliving crouches in preparation for what will undoubtedly be the sweetest achievement of his life. Scanning the carpet for the safest spot to land, he notices this perfect spot between some strewn Duplo and the family dog. Noah does one last check to see that his mom is paying attention. “Mommy! MOM!” he cries as Mrs. Treliving glances up from her phone for for a second to say “I see you, honey.” He uses all the strength from his far-from-fully-developed quads to push his body up and off the couch, gliding through the living room air for 1.7 seconds while yelling out his signature catchphrase “Paw Patrol is on a roll!” He lands on the beige carpeting with a thud, just in time to do a somersault that he will retroactively claim as intentional. “Great job, bud,” Noah’s father feigns for the 18th time today while watching the game highlights. Noah smiles from ear-to-ear knowing that he is the greatest person alive and celebrates his triumph by slamming down half a Go-gurt and throwing the rest in the trash.
By Andrew Froese