Republicans assert that something called “democracy” is being used to create a “fair election” which could result in “representative government.” These “votes” may be “counted” and produce a “valid outcome.” Investigators say this subversive operation could result in Americans living under the tyranny imposed by “constitutional rights.”
Debate Paused So Candidates Can Take Their Back Pills
Presidential Debate The Most Exciting Thing To Happen In Cleveland In Decades
“I still remember in 1995 when the Browns last qualified for the playoffs. What a rush!” Said local loser Aaron Feldman. “This presidential debate will be our new legacy!”
Trump Knocks Disabled Guy Out Of Wheelchair Just To Get Crowd Pumped
"Listen, they don't give me any credit," Trump said as he tipped over "Front Row Cripple Chris," in front of dozens of cheering fans. "China. My deal with the Jews and Arabs. My beautiful, beautiful wall. But it's not me they're after. The liberal media is after you. The hardworking Americans. Sad," he lamented, kicking … Continue reading Trump Knocks Disabled Guy Out Of Wheelchair Just To Get Crowd Pumped
White House Secret Service Conduct Drills To Ensure Peaceful Transition Of Power
WASHINGTON- "This is standard operating procedure," assured Secret Service Director James M. Murray. "We have done this at the end of every modern President's term, but you're just hearing about it now because one of our team members thought it would be funny to post it to his Twitter account. Yes, absolutely we always do … Continue reading White House Secret Service Conduct Drills To Ensure Peaceful Transition Of Power
Trump Blames Hillary For Losing His Tax Returns On Her Private Email Server
"But her emails! That's where she had them," President Trump explained on Twitter. "I paid off Stormy, and then I paid off the IRS. She offered to keep record, but lying, crooked, crooked Killary. The good Americans will see through all of this. Sad. Obama wasn't even born here."
Where the Fuck is the Cat Now?
Robins hired a private investigator to try to find his cat, but even the PI was unable to find a single trace of the illusive cat.
Senate Votes To Approve Still Unnamed Ninth Justice
“We’ve changed the rules so that as long as the person is conservative, which we already know they will be, they don’t need a hearing, or even a known identity,” said majority leader Mitch McConnell. If the President does not name the already-confirmed nominee this weekend, he/she will be appointed to the court using a cardboard cutout.