“One time, I tried to make corn dogs from scratch at least, but Mr. President could not be fooled,” White House Head Chef told reporters. “He sniffed out the difference immediately, and swatted the entire plate into the garbage. ‘I only eat Walmart Great Value!’ he shouted at me. So, now I know. I heat them on high for 90 seconds, flop them onto a paper plate, and send them on down. His ketchup never leaves his side, so that’s it. That’s all I do. But if Mr. Biden chooses to keep me on, I will have to relearn my craft. I know I can do it, but I am worried.”

By Emily Sanchez