WASHINGTON

“I don’t know what else I can do to show you who I am,” the Senate Majority leader explained to Democrats. “I have no higher standards, no qualms, no principles whatsoever. I’m not a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I’m a snake with obvious glandular issues. I was once so deep into hypocrisy that the thermonuclear energy of my overly-acidic gastrointestinal tract combined with the high velocity of my words coming back to bite me in the ass created this loop space thing whereby hence it’d be pretty hypocritical of me to not be a hypocrite at this point.”

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