Well, it's my favorite time of year again: Halloween! Here are 19 fun and simple guidelines to trick-or-treating at my house:
US Government Announces COVID Vaccine Will Be Ready By Christmas
"We always hoped it would be a vaccine that's been around for years. So, when my team suggested sharpened candy canes, I knew we were onto something," a NIAID Vaccine Research Center (VRC) scientist explained. "We sent an intern down to pick up a pack of candy canes, and we all got to sucking. It'll … Continue reading US Government Announces COVID Vaccine Will Be Ready By Christmas
Trump Absolutely COVERED In Flies After They Emerge From His Mouth
After feeding on the President's internal body rot, a beautiful family maggots transformed into flies and came swarming out of his mouth during a tirade against the radical left. "I heard this buzzing, I thought it was a hum from the mic or something," explained one of the sound crew. "But then all the sudden … Continue reading Trump Absolutely COVERED In Flies After They Emerge From His Mouth
Woman’s Hair Has Successfully Infiltrated Every Buttcrack In Household
"I'd be in the middle of a meeting at work when an intense tickling in my underwear would start to drive me mad. I'd excuse myself to the restroom and pull several feet of hair from the back of my boxer-briefs." Sheila's husband Gerald told us.
Trump To Bring Own Microphone To Tonight’s Debate
The president will be bringing to the debate stage the biggest, loudest, most fantastic microphone you’ve ever seen, so he can interrupt Biden many times, at any time, and all the time.
No Grandma That’s Not a Touch Screen
Continuously pressing the promo bar at the bottom of the screen, she yelled at the TV, "I'm done with this football game. Come on, damn you, I want to watch 60 Minutes!"
Trump Further Undoes Obama Presidency By Resurrecting Osama Bin Laden
Washington D.C. In a surprising move to cement his own legacy and dismantle his predecessor, president Donald Trump resurrected Al-Qaeda leader, Osama Bin Laden, back from the dead after being killed by SEAL Team 6 back on May 6, 2011 by order of President Obama. The move received mix views for U.S. citizens with some … Continue reading Trump Further Undoes Obama Presidency By Resurrecting Osama Bin Laden
America Consults Iraq For Advice On Maintaining Free And Fair Elections
Stephen Miller, a top policy adviser to President Trump, is currently in Iraq to learn a few best practices on ensuring a free and fair election. "We have our own Jim Crow ideas," Miller explained. "But that's so old school. We're always looking to keep it fresh. So, it was either here or Russia, but … Continue reading America Consults Iraq For Advice On Maintaining Free And Fair Elections
Trump Threatens To Do A Bad Job Starting In November If He Doesn’t Win Reelection
"I will rip this country apart come November if I am robbed of this election. Make no mistake. I will use those two months to do terrible, really terrible things."