Cincinnati, OH-

11 year old Jacob Grisham has been battling his parents since mid-September because he doesn’t want to wear a lame-ass stupid coat that’s like too big and itches his chin. It’s not even cool colors like black and red. It’s just stupid blue with grey on the sleeves and no one even wears those colors.

Everyone knows if Jacob is caught wearing a coat, his peers will taunt him relentlessly and call him names like Marshmallow Boy. Everyone also knows that it would be way better if he just wore a hooded sweatshirt like that cool kid, Jimmy, who gets to skateboard to school all by himself and owns a vape that he stole from his uncle last summer.

Sources close to Jacob have expressed that they only want him to wear a coat so that he will be warm and comfortable. They love him and want him to be safe. When we spoke to Jacob, he expressed his frustrations by saying, “Ugh!! Literally no one else’s parents make them wear a Goddang coat! Why the heck do I have to?? Friggin bullcrap!” He then drop-kicked his backpack and flopped defiantly onto the couch.

By CarolAnn Liebelt