"Oh man, I'm going to miss you guys so much this year, but you know, we gotta stay safe," Tomas Tavers, 29, texted his grief-stricken mom, who was busy planning a meal for 27 people. "I'll be thinking of you all, give Nana and PopPop a hug for me. I couldn't live with myself if … Continue reading Man Working Up Story About How Sad He Is He Can’t Come Home For Holidays Due To COVID
"Something something something something Trump!"
"Listen, we don't all need two terms because some of us are capable of making America great in four years. I did more as a one term President than Obama did in eight years. It's truly astonishing. That's what everyone is telling me," Trump surmised before reporters. "Everyone, I get calls, get these calls from … Continue reading Trump Boasts That He Only Needed One Term Unlike Loser Obama Who Needed Two
"Hey man, no problem," California's Secretary of State Alex Padilla said in a certified letter to Trump's personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani. "We can recount as long as he wants. I'm sure we probably just made five or six million mistakes and we owe him that. You know how these illegals are. We have thousands of … Continue reading California Offers To Recount Ballots Just For Fun
4. Make them think they're the only one. This is both accomplished by the way you treat them, and your use of emergency exits and tripping the fire alarm. Each guy needs to feel special. Send them little treats to let them know you're thinking of them: a nice whiskey, a new set of golf balls, an application to AARP. Their happiness and blinding ignorance is crucial to the entire charade.
It's not even cool colors like black and red.
Eric Trump, 36, comforts his father.
"Oh yeah... look at those deals... four dollars off Magic Erasers? I won't have to buy another pack for at least 6 months... oh baby... oh yeah... that Dyson vacuum sells for twice that at Sears... oh, god... Kirkland batteries are buy one get one... I could put them in everyone Christmas stockings!!! Yes! Yes! … Continue reading Mom Rubs One Out To Costco Coupon Book