With Christmas around the corner, it’s time to get together and sing your favorite carols with loved ones. That’s why we’ve made the ultimate playlist of the greatest Christmas songs of all time. We hope you enjoy them, despite the fact that every entry is simply the “Five Golden Rings” bit from The 12 Days of Christmas.
1. The “Five Golden Rings” bit from The 12 Days of Christmas
Yes, we know this isn’t a full song, but we can all agree that this is easily the most festive moment in all of caroling history. After repetitively trudging through the first four days of Christmas, the listener needs some variety to lift their spirits, and boy does it deliver. 10/10, greatest Christmas song of all time, despite it not being an actual song.
2. The “Five Golden Rings” bit from The 12 Days of Christmas
We know, we’ve already listed this, but you’d better fucking get used to it. Ranking any other Christmas song on the same tier as this would be moronic. Do yourself a favor: Listen to “Five Golden Rings,” then listen to Santa Baby. Notice anything? Yeah. Santa Baby is pathetic trash. When you’ve tasted true Christmas spirit, everything else becomes trash.
3. The “Five Golden Rings” bit from The 12 Days of Christmas
That’s right, baby, there’s more where that came from. The beauty is in the simplicity. It might seem strange that three simple words, bellowing those three simple half-notes, would be the most brilliant musical phrase in history. But somehow, it is, and we all know it.
4. The “Five Golden Rings” bit from The 12 Days of Christmas
Gold rings, golden rings – doesn’t matter how you swing it, baby. It’s all jewelry in the end.
5. The “Five Golden Rings” bit from The 12 Days of Christmas
If you want a hot tip on where to find the best performances of “Five Gold Rings,” you can’t go wrong with middle-aged white British women choirs.
6. The “Five Golden Rings” bit from The 12 Days of Christmas
Honestly, it’s absurd that we’re even trying to make new Christmas music as long as “fiiiiiive goooooooollllden riiiings!” still exists. We will never be able to capture this glory again. Just let it go.
7. The “Five Golden Rings” bit from The 12 Days of Christmas
While other countries have tried to make their own translations of the song, linguists have found that non-English variants produce up to 80% less merriment than the original. Regardless, Sweden continues to insist that “Fem Gyllene Ringar” is a banger, despite the world’s insistence that they stop singing it.
8. The “Five Golden Rings” bit from The 12 Days of Christmas
As for the deeper meaning of why someone would adorn five rings: It’s clearly polygamy. Why do you think it’s the most passionate line of the song? Everyone’s fucking. They’re excited that five people are legally fucking.
9. The “Five Golden Rings” bit from The 12 Days of Christmas
By the way, I tried pinning down four calling birds and wrapping them in Christmas ribbon, and now I have multiple open wounds and avian tuberculosis.
10. The “Five Golden Rings” bit from The 12 Days of Christmas
Oh yeah. Here it comes. Spread your arms. Let it ring.