In a lawsuit filed with the Supreme Court Thursday, ubershyster Rudy Giuliani asked the Court to declare the date to be September 23rd. In a press conference held in the parking lot of Supreme Video, Giuliani produced several witnesses who claimed to have witnessed incidents of calendar fraud. “I saw a truck with dozens of pages that had been secretly torn from our calendars,” attested one inebriated witness. “I have video of calendar manufactures literally throwing entire months into a bonfire,” said Giuliani. “The American people have been deprived of Columbus Day and Thanksgiving. All due to a conspiracy of dentists, cat fanciers, and cartoon artists, designed to deceive this great nation.”

Giuliani demanded that the Court immediately issue an emergency injunction, delaying the onset of 2021. “You are the final arbiter of what the date should be and whether the calendar is fair or not,” Giuliani said. “The other way to look at it is, it’s your responsibility if a false and fraudulent date is presented to the United States. And it’s clear the date you have right now is false.” Giuliani then returned to Trump campaign headquarters, promising a landslide for the President in the upcoming election.

By Fred Gailey