“I couldn’t believe it when I saw that sweet influx hit my bank account,” reported 31-year-old Magnus Palmona. “I probably should have bought some stock or something, but without a moment of thought, I suddenly found myself paying half of what I owed on July’s rent. You got to start somewhere, am I right? I’ve been dodging the landlord and my roommate pretty good, locked myself in my bedroom back in June. I think they assumed I had COVID, so they left me alone for a bit. But damn, these guys have been after me like I owed them all money. Oh, I got this hat too. Found it for $9 on Amazon on Black Friday. Anyways, I figure this buys me another week or so before I need to sell some more of my bone marrow.”

By Emily Sanchez