Las Vegas, NV —

The Raiders completed their first NFL season in Las Vegas without accidentally gambling away the deed to their new stadium. Even though they will be missing the playoffs, it was a triumphant victory for the team. The Raiders made the move from Oakland to Vegas, a move that has been scrutinized by many, with worries that the team would somehow manage to lose the new stadium by betting on red 17, nor was the deed to the new stadium accidentally inserted into a slot machine. “I’m really proud of this team and ownership,” exclaimed Raiders head coach John Gruden. “To be able to stand here – at this podium and not outside because a casino took ownership of the stadium after a bad streak at blackjack – is a victory itself!”

The team is planning a celebration by going to Disney World.

By Zach Englund