Historians agree that when the framers of the Constitution made the Vice President serve as the president of the Senate, they certainly never envisioned that title to be held by Mike Motherfucking Pence.

“The president of the Senate is ‘the custodian of the ballot.’ Sure, John Adams was a feckless elitist, but he wasn’t the bootlicker Mike Literal Motherfuckingest Pence is,” said a spokesperson from the Library of Congress. “He’s the last line of defense for this battered and deep fried republic. Thoughts and prayers.”