As calls for his resignation mount from within the Democratic party, Governor Andrew Cuomo has announced what has long been suspected. “I’m a Republican. I guess I’ve always been a Republican, but it’s time I make it official. I have squeezed the firm and supple teat of the Democratic party long enough, and it’s taken me this far – right into the bosom of the GOP. I’m thrilled to finally be part of an organization that will blindly follow and support me without question, as long as I tell them I believe in traditional family values. Thank you for respecting my privacy at this time.”