“Honest to goodness, if you people could shut the hell up already, we could get a grip on this thing,” CDC Director Rochelle Walensky pleaded. “You slack-jawed imbeciles who know less than a broken toaster and ‘did your own research’ are ruining everything. You can’t even get through an entire BuzzFeed article, but yeah – I’m sure you’re really cranking it out down at the lab. What can I say? We sure wanted to take our masks off, but the vaccine ‘violated your rights’ so here we are. Vax up, mask up, wash up, and – now I can not stress this enough – shut the fuck up.”