After Nicki Minaj’s Tweet sparked concern that the COVID vaccine caused a cousin’s friend’s testicles to become so swollen that his fiancé had to bail on their wedding, CDC Director Rochelle Walensky took immediate action. “I called up my good friend Dr. Fauci, who immediately booked a flight to Trinidad with one goal in mind: to check on that man’s danglers.”

“I took this call very seriously,” explained Dr. Fauci. “It starts with her cousin’s friend’s balls, but what next- her aunt’s friend’s goddaughter’s roommate’s boyfriend? Not on my watch. After a thorough investigation, including questioning two ex-girlfriends, a former soccer teammate, and a gentleman at the Wendy’s, we have concluded that his balls were already like that. It was an honor.”