Donald Trump was disappointed that his offer of hush money to New York grand jurors was ignored. “I don’t know what happened. I offered them two nights at Mar-a-Lago and $100 in casino credits. I only needed 11 votes. Maybe the non-disclosure agreements were too much.”

Trump remains confident he can still quash the indictment. “I’m upping the offer to free tuition at Trump University and a lifetime supply of Trump steaks. I just need them to admit that the foreman was corrupt, and miscounted the votes. This was a stolen indictment.”

by Fred Gailey