There's no better way to force your thoughts down the throats of others than to paste those words on a sticker — in all caps and a bold font, of course — and slap that bad boy on the back of your ride until the drivers behind you are bored enough at an extended red light to notice that you have something to say.
With the confidence of a triathlon champion and the skillset of a 70-year-old that's been cut off by the bartender, Noah Treliving crouches in preparation for what will undoubtedly be the sweetest achievement of his life.
"I always type 'give me Google' in the Bing box. Such a smart box, too. It always finds Google! My daughter also told me not to listen to my friends and stop asking Jeeves."
"We're all trying our best to isolate lawmaking from religion, and then we see 7 SCOTUS judges raw dogging it in court with religious exemptions? Not safe. Not cool."
"Fifty years ago, our bootstrap supply was flourishing. But with our current state of manufacturing, we haven't successfully received a bootstrap since 1992. Truthfully, the only viable alternative at this point would be to seize the means of bootstrap production."
“Our liberties were at stake during World War 2 just as they are now. Freedom isn't free, and if we need to deploy thousands of troops onto European beaches and take out countless lives so we can have the freedom to tour Europe's many beautiful countries while not wearing masks or social distancing, so be it!”
“We don't want to speak to the manager. We manage our inconveniences through self-reflection and appreciation of why businesses don't honor 10-year-old coupons. Only once in my life have I called for a manager; there were pubes in my pasta, and even then I felt guilty calling them over.”
“When I go shopping, I purposely forget basic ingredients just so I can go back out,” Becky says. “I used to have the TV all to myself in the morning, but now Jason's asking me what we want to do today while I'm watching The View. Bitch, can't you see Whoopi's talking?”
“Today is a historic day for the merger of the worlds of plant-based foods and 90s R&B,” Beyond Meat CEO Ethan Brown announced.
“I want to thank Mike for all of his hard work leading the Coronavirus Task Force, but we need Americans cleaning their lungs, and who better to be in charge than Mr. Clean himself? Look at that bald head and smile. Isn't he beautiful, folks?”