Israel and Palestine credit their pact to "that free-spirited woman that smelled of patchouli and freedom". "When I saw her waving that COEXIST flag made out of different religious symbols," the Israeli representative reported, "I thought to myself, 'Why hate when we can celebrate?'"
"Our research statistics overwhelmingly confirm that abstaining from the countless shitbait spattered all over Vice's website — combined with an increase in physical endurance — will greatly reduce your chances of developing many types of cancer, including throat and bowel cancer."
While we are not happy about seeing slimmer immigrants still sneaking across the border, it is a major victory for our country to put a stop to illegal border crossings from grotesquely overweight immigrants," Mitch McConnell said with his famous resting-bitch-face smile.
"Boy, that's a sweet fruit! Look how close she is to the mall," exclaimed McDonald, whose sheer vastness of stupidity brought him to the illogical conclusion that traveling 100 fewer feet to the mall entrance is worth the harsh realities of living with a permanently debilitating condition.
"No! No 'Wheels on the Bus.' What else do you want to listen to?" DJ Dad asks, with an intense desperation that appears ready to surface in volatile ways. "How about 'Yellow Submarine'? 'The Alphabet Song'? Hell, I'll take 'Hot Cross Buns' on the recorder at this point."
"Their hand-drawn chalk menu was littered with words like 'local,' 'free range,' and 'organic.' I can't trust anyone who puts that much thought and care into a taqueria."