"I feel mortified by this. Why didn't anyone tell me to flip it the right way up? This is just like what happened to Japan."
The calculator appeared generally nonplussed about the accusation, staying silent on the matter other than quietly clapping back with the message "boobs."
"Very promising" and "good-sad rather than bad-sad" are just a few ways producer Finneas O'Connell has described Rosey.
"Our test audience showed real excitement every time we injected little, digestible doses of reality into our usual punditry. Over time, we may consider moving slowly toward a 50% truth-based system, similar to that on most cable news shows."
"You want to take the power back? Vote."
The American Psychological Association released a memo advising all US residents to calmly log out of social media, remove their phone battery, and walk slowly toward the ocean.
"I guess it's nice that the three cheese roast beef is still here."
"Yes, it seems you've been enjoying this page lately," noted the algorithm, who prefers to go by Todd and uses they/them pronouns. "I thought you might. But I couldn't help but notice your engagement with it over the last two days has decreased by 4%. So you know what, don't even worry about that site anymore. I'll find you something better. We can circle back in 30-40 months."
"Let's face it: I still hook up with my ex, you still hook up with your ex," said the lead researcher. "But what we're finding is that surprisingly, most partners actually avoid having passionate entanglements with old flames at least 90% of the time."
"Our top-level economists assured us that the best way to bring economic growth was to force masses of people out of work and give them $1,200 to cover two months of rent, food, and bills. We are at a loss to explain how this did not work."