Forget the lyrics about death and gloom, and grab a dick, feel the music flow through you, and get to sucking, honey. The anger in this song is inspiration for some optimal hardcore dick sucking.
Man Who Brags About Eating Ass Refuses To Eat Pineapple On Pizza
“My girl could go an entire month without showering and I’d still eat her ass over a slice of Hawaiian pizza any day of the week.”
Woman Starting New Diet Has Already Lost 6 Friends
The sounds of groans and despair from her friends in reaction to Alicia’s Facebook announcement of her new egg-only diet could be heard in unison from around the world. So far she has lost six friends and counting.
Brave Man Tells Girlfriend To ‘Calm Down’
“Looking back, I probably could’ve phrased things differently, but god dammit if the bitch wasn’t acting crazy.” John informed the police officer from his hospital bed, the painkillers finally kicking in.
Woman Never Roofied Feeling Inadequate And Undesirable
“I’m tired of hearing all of these stories about women getting roofied, Sara. I’m feeling left out. Am I not good enough to be roofied? I know I’m getting older. Hell, I’ll be 26 soon.”
Mom Loves You But You’re Not Getting Her Good Tupperware
“Oh honey, not that one. That’s my good Tupperware,” her mom states while quickly snatching the Tupperware out of Sharon’s hands like the container was her precious newborn baby that Sharon was planning on kidnapping and holding for ransom.
Man Playing Vibraslap Drowning In Pussy
"I’m ramming vag on the daily. I’m not coming to them, they’re coming to me, on me, all around me. The moment I hit my vibraslap, the vibrations this thing sends off permeate these women’s panties, and they’re instantly moist."
Dad Just Called To Thank You For The Father’s Day Card And To Tell You He Still Wishes You Had Been A Boy
“Speaking of tools, do you own a tool set at all?” Sam’s dad inquired. “You probably should have one in case of emergencies. Wait. Would you even know how to use a tool? Do you have any interest in learning about tools? If you were a boy you probably would.”
Supreme Court Upholds Death Penalty For Coworkers Who Reheat Seafood In The Workplace
"The death penalty seems drastic, but those of you who have experienced a coworker microwaving the shit out of his shrimp Alfredo leftovers understand how serious this issue really is."
Kraft Introduces Probiotic Queso Smoothie
Today, cheese-enthusiasts' minds were blown when Kraft Foods Group, Inc. announced they would be introducing their first ever drinkable cheese. “We’re excited to launch our Probiotic Queso Smoothie. Our consumers' digestive health is important to us, and we wanted a product that reflects this."