“I'm not going anywhere, folks. I'm doing a tremendous job of stimulating the economy. Health care workers are enjoying lots of overtime. Mortuary business levels are at an all-time high. They can't even keep up!”
My Dick Hangs To The Left But I Assure You I Vote Republican
I may be liberal with my cock, but my cock isn't liberal, you hear? And if it was, I'd beat it until it can't take anymore.
Team of Spelunkers Deployed To Find Out What The Fuck Crawled Up Your Ass
“It’s not the kind of expedition we ever thought we’d participate in, but Jesus Christ! We’ve had enough of your shitty attitude already.”
We Interviewed Billie Joe Armstrong To Ask Why The Fuck He Sounds British When He Sings
We sat down with Green Day's singer, who, for some reason, sounds like some cockney bloke with a nasal drip.
Oh, For Fuck’s Sake, Susan Is Posting About The Weather Again
Holy shit, woman!
Warren Takes DNA Test Again, Results Show She Is 100% Never Going To Be President
“The test's accuracy has an error margin of 0.03%, which is all the confidence I need to continue my presidential run,” Warren stated.
This College Grad’s Student Loan Debt Is $69,000, Haha Sick!
“Hey, check this out,” Hayes says, nudging his roommates Ryan and Jackson to look at his student loan balance. Ryan looks over, eyes bugged: “Sweet.”
We Ranked The Top Ten Most Popular Christmas Songs And They’re All Garbage
You’d think the "most wonderful time of the year" would have the most wonderful music to accompany it, but you’d be wrong. So very, very wrong.
This Cat Already Has Tickets To The My Chemical Romance Reunion Tour
Purrard said he felt like he was “living his emeow years all over again.”
Man Hospitalized After Calling Eddie Vedder ‘Daughter’
“I was actually requesting they play the song 'Daughter.' I fucking love that song! I was in the moment and kept screaming, ‘DAUGHTER!!’... and holy shit, did things get crazy after that.”