"I always knew I had a good arm, you don't sling hot dogs and popcorn for 6 years without learning a thing or two. I was just happy to help out. Though, I do wish that people could have chilled with their orders until timeouts or when defense was up. Hard to multitask.
"No returns. All sales final."
"I was starting to think this day would never come," reported the White House. "He's sure done some damage. You should see what Eric did to the Lincoln Bedroom, it's going to take months to get the smell of Rudy Giuliani out of the carpet. I have much for which to be grateful. And I … Continue reading White House Grateful It’s The Last Thanksgiving Trump Will Be Living In It
"Everything looks lovely, dear. Did you, by chance, ever get to look at that recipe book I gave you a few years ago? There's really good holiday meal ideas in there, it might help you the next time," Mama Jean told daughter-in-law Stacy Adam's. "Not that I'm complaining. I see the work you've done, but … Continue reading ‘Good Thing COVID Impacted My Senses Or I’d Have To Taste Your Cooking’ Says Mother-In-Law
"Listen, I only took this job as a favor to America for all it suffered under Barack Hussein Obama. But nobody ever says thank you. Terrrible how they, it's terrible and also, what a hoax. If you want to convince yourselves that millions and millions and millions and millions of people voted for Sleepy Joe … Continue reading Trump Concedes He Didn’t Want This Stupid Job Anymore Anyways
"Literally no way. Count them again. Again! This is so unfair."
Denying persistent rumors of plastic surgery, Khloe Kardashian, either the oldest or second oldest of the Kardashian sisters credits a fun beauty app and the Keto diet for her new face. "To say that I look like Keanu Reeves is quite the compliment. I loved him in Speed and Pulp Fiction. I care about all … Continue reading Khloe Kardashian Credits Beauty App, Not Plastic Surgery, For New Look
"Oh man, I'm going to miss you guys so much this year, but you know, we gotta stay safe," Tomas Tavers, 29, texted his grief-stricken mom, who was busy planning a meal for 27 people. "I'll be thinking of you all, give Nana and PopPop a hug for me. I couldn't live with myself if … Continue reading Man Working Up Story About How Sad He Is He Can’t Come Home For Holidays Due To COVID
"Something something something something Trump!"