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Author: Ethan Moore

August 30, 2020August 30, 2020 Ethan Moore Uncategorized

Man Tries Medical Marijuana For Anxiety Caused By Recreational Marijuana

“Yeah, I have been smoking weed since 1994, but this is for my anxiety. It’s not about getting high,” says Nathan Morris while puffing on his 89% THC Blue Dream vape pen, clearly baked.

August 22, 2020August 22, 2020 Ethan Moore Uncategorized

Stolen Valor? Cap’n Crunch Was Never In Navy

Quaker Oats insists that it is not really a big deal and says there are no plans to remove his title as 'Cap’n'. “We were working on some new cereal ideas, but we will need to wait for this to blow over before releasing Gen’ral O’s and Benghazi Berry Squares.”

August 17, 2020 Ethan Moore Uncategorized

Side Table Waiting Patiently For Man To Divorce Coffee Table

“Every few days I get some attention. A can of soda, car keys, the mail. Something gets set down on me. But I know he’s gonna leave that bitch coffee table one of these days. And I will be here waiting.” By Ethan Moore, Photo by Fred Gailey

August 15, 2020August 15, 2020 Ethan Moore Uncategorized

Man Chokes On Proof After Eating Pudding Too Fast

People are being encouraged to check for large chunks of proof after a man nearly lost his life eating some pudding yesterday.

August 14, 2020August 21, 2020 Ethan Moore Uncategorized

Every Single Lyric Changed For Kidz Bop Version Of WAP

“Hop on top, I wanna ride. I do a kegel when it’s inside” was changed to “Hop a lot, I wanna fly. I chew a bagel and ride my bike.”

July 13, 2020July 13, 2020 Ethan Moore Uncategorized

New Disney World Ride Just Hearse To Cemetery

Orlando, FL

May 6, 2020May 6, 2020 Ethan Moore Uncategorized

Inspired By Adele’s Weight Loss Ariana Grande Drops 75 Pounds

“I saw her picture and thought that it would be a good idea to also drop some weight,” the singer said. “I always wanted to be skinny so I am very happy about doing this.”

February 9, 2020February 9, 2020 Ethan Moore Uncategorized

Trump Explains Rush Awarded Medal Of Freedom Because Drummer Died Last Month

"It was all over the news last month. His drummer died. Everyone was talking about it. Very tragic. His name was Neil. He played the drums. And now he’s dead. Drums...now there’s no more drums."

February 7, 2020February 7, 2020 Ethan Moore Uncategorized

Keith Richards Quits Smoking After Learning It Causes Premature Aging

"I need to think about things like this. I doubt my fans want to see my skin get wrinkly. I’m a famous rock star, I can’t look like an old man."

September 23, 2019September 23, 2019 Ethan Moore Uncategorized

Windowless Van Actually Has Candy In Back

“These kids should have just gotten into the back of the van,” said Police Chief Larry Doran. “They may have missed their chance to pet a puppy and get some free candy."

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