The preferred media for daily praise of the President is via Twitter or Facebook, but exemptions will be granted to people living in shithole countries that might lack internet access. A special White House Hotline will be set up for those who cannot use a computer, to leave voicemails expressing admiration for the President.
Today, as you fire up the grill, remember the brave souls who have burned their Costco cards to defend the American Way of Life.
"Hell, their frontman can barely carry a tune. I don't even want to know what this is going to sound like," muttered one fan.
Not much about the Coronavirus quarantine is good, but at least we don't have to take Mom out to brunch this year.
"In Europe, nobody leaves tips, because they pay the staff a fair salary," elucidated Jacobs, to a waitress who would never be able to afford a trip to Europe in her lifetime.
7. A member of Slipknot (or maybe it was just some random person at a Halloween party)
Their new rescue bill.
In a stunning announcement, Northern Kentucky University Coach Darrin Horn, declared the Norse the National men's basketball champions by default. "We went to our first round game in Spokane (man, the seeding committee really screwed us on that). The doors to the arena were chain locked. Thankfully, I had bolt cutters on the bus, and … Continue reading Northern Kentucky University Declares Self National Champion
He was warned that microphones, telephones, and cameras are all notorious carriers of Covid-19.
Former Presidential candidate and eccentric billionaire, Mike Bloomberg, decided to suspend his Presidential campaign on Wednesday, despite a stunning victory in the American Samoa caucus. "My goal was to blow a billion dollars, and it was simply taking too long."