God Asks Fellow Deity, ‘Do These Creations Make Me Look Stupid?’

“Look at these people I made, especially the ones of genus ‘Dipshittius Americanus.’ I thought I’d endowed them with brains, common sense, diplomacy, insight, compassion – everything that comes standard in the ‘Decent Human Being’ upgrade package. Yet a lot of them are behaving like complete whack jobs. You’d think I downgraded them to the ‘Mother Fucking Asshole’ package.”

Plane Crash Finally Shuts Up Crying Baby…Oh No Wait, Still Crying

"I wondered why God spared me, and started praying that the search party would find us before…and then I hear it. It was just a quiet whimper at first. And then it gets louder and louder, and I’m like, yep, I’d recognize that cry anywhere. That little mother-fucker is still balling his eyes out. How long am I going to have to lie here and listen to this?! Can’t the parents shut him up? Jesus!”