Said the refrigerator, "More often than not this garage is at 32° or below. I’m set to keep food at 38°. So I end up having to HEAT food instead of chilling it! I’ve become the laughing stock of all self-respecting refrigerators."
Subaru CEO Tomomi Nakamura breathed a sigh of relief, “We can finally put all of this behind us.”
"We wondered why it was so much colder than usual."
Clinton has offered to whip out her most secure server and email those suckers over right now, using the officially recognized address of ConvictThatFucker@senate.com.
"Please don’t send me any more gifts of gold cross pendants. Have plenty."
“Really. Go ahead and cut us down just to become greeting cards that get thrown in the trash.”
Few things puzzle the man, but this is one of them.
Said the annoyed bear, "What if we got married and had cubs? When we kill people to feed them is he gonna just eat everything and let them starve?” The boyfriend was unable to comment as his mouth was already busy going down on his next girlfriend.
When asked on a questionnaire why they wore the socks, almost everyone checked the boxes for “I need the attention people give me,” “Regular socks make me feel lonely and afraid,” and “I can hide little love notes to myself in each toe compartment.”
“We have it all,” said Michael Mercurio, co-founder. “There are partial pizzas. Half-full boxes of pretzels. Oreos without the cream middle. There’s even a section called ‘Leftovers’ in Aisle 8 where you can buy the remains of other people’s dinners."