“I sort of tentatively made a move to hug him. But at the same exact time, he put his hand out for a shake. I corrected at the last minute, and tried to add a pat on the back as if the shake-pat was all I had in mind all along. But I think he saw through it. Now what the hell are we supposed to do next time? Am I supposed to downgrade and not offer a hug? How will I even withstand his eye contact?"
"It simply will not have had the traditional Anderson character development,” said critic Will H. Held, who claims he will not have had the chance to actually see the movie – even by a year from now. “But by then I will have been proven right.”
"The guy keeps rhythmically grazing his fingertips over me for hours. He tells his wife he’s ‘reading a book on his Kindle app’. Like I can’t see what’s on me? That’s porn, buddy.”
“Do I really need more mouths to regurgitate partly digested food into? No,” said the sparrow. “But would I like me some non-reproductive feathered tail? Sure.”
“We have a steady clientele, love what we do, and our every morning is filled with the aroma of buttery cinnamon buns. What more could you ask for?”
That's right. You.