Trump Supporters Storm Chauvin Courtroom To Try And Reverse Verdict, Steal Gavel

“This trial was rigged,” one of the rioters told an Unsubscribed reporter as she spit out her tobacco and took selfies with herself rushing the judge’s bench and banging the gavel on the wrong end. “If we shuffle some papers around in here, we can get this verdict reversed. We owe it to Mr. Trump! He sent us here because if you can’t murder a black guy and get away with it, what is this country coming to?”

GOP Uncovers Huge Conspiracy To Remove Trump Using “Ballots” From “Voters”

Republicans assert that something called “democracy” is being used to create a “fair election” which could result in “representative government.” These “votes” may be “counted” and produce a “valid outcome.” Investigators say this subversive operation could result in Americans living under the tyranny imposed by “constitutional rights.”

Biden Honors Promise To Pick Female VP By Choosing Obama In A Dress

Said Biden, “If it looks like a woman, and wears clothes like a woman, it’s a woman. Barry’ll also be talking in a high voice and wearing perfume, so he’ll even sound and smell like a woman. If you’re all gonna cling to the technicality of anatomical parts, don’t forget that I support adopting whatever gender identity you choose. And for the next eight years, my VP here chooses female.”

God Asks Fellow Deity, ‘Do These Creations Make Me Look Stupid?’

“Look at these people I made, especially the ones of genus ‘Dipshittius Americanus.’ I thought I’d endowed them with brains, common sense, diplomacy, insight, compassion – everything that comes standard in the ‘Decent Human Being’ upgrade package. Yet a lot of them are behaving like complete whack jobs. You’d think I downgraded them to the ‘Mother Fucking Asshole’ package.”