After U.S. Threat To Bomb Cultural Sites, Iran Reveals It Targeting Waffle Houses

“We will not stop at annihilating the beloved yellow dwelling of the All Star Special breakfast! The ICBMs of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard will wipe out all of America’s most sacred shrines, from Sheetz to Piggly Wiggly, Whataburger to Culver’s, and Shake Shack to Friendly’s! We will exterminate every Runza’s, Burgerville, In-N-Out and Wawa! Yes — Wawa!"

Report: Fewer Making Career Out Of Standing Around Mic, Snapping Fingers, Singing ‘Doo-Wop, Doo-Wop’

Experts in the field are concerned that the slow death of swinging ensembles harmonizing sh’ boom-booms may just be the harbinger of a brewing mass extinction, in which even those who warble soulfully over a I, IV, V chord progression, while rhyming “cry” with “die,” or “whiskey” with “miss me,” are gradually wiped off the face of the earth.