With as many as 20% of franchises unable to provide the beef, Clara feels she is needed now more than ever.
Trump Calmly Sips Disinfectant After Press Briefing
“Great flavor. Great flavor. They're doing wonderful things with this stuff. Orange flavor, lemon flavor. Do you believe this? Not me. I told them GET IT ON THE SHELVES the people NEED IT. And it tastes good! It really tastes great folks!”
Warren Packs Battered Bloomberg In Suitcase And Heads To Next Campaign Event
Fresh off last night's debate, Elizabeth Warren was spotted this afternoon stuffing a bruised, whimpering Michael Bloomberg into a very sensible Samsonite suitcase. When asked by reporters what she was doing, Warren responded, "Sorry, I've signed a non-disclosure agreement." The suitcase is believed to have been purchased at a yard sale. By Paul Klingle, Photo … Continue reading Warren Packs Battered Bloomberg In Suitcase And Heads To Next Campaign Event
Big Pharma Recalls Defective Candidate
We figured we'd save the $400,000 in maintenance fees and just let the patent expire.
Unhinged Florida Man Live Tweets Own Federal Crime
Matt Gaetz: Fort Walton Beach resident, local crackpot.
Brave Humanitarian Goes Out Of Way To Walk Through Cigarette Smoke And Cough Indignantly
“Sometimes, I'll see somebody down the street rippin' a butt, and even though I'm not going that way, I'll walk through their smoke and cough,”
Guy Fieri Accused Of Ketchup Embezzlement While Mayor Of Flavortown
The incumbent mayor is accused of misappropriating nearly nine thousand ketchup packets from the city's coffers directly into his personal vault.
Trump Accidentally Signs Green New Deal Thinking He’s Buying Greenland
"Just as soon as I was talking about buying Greenland, the Democrats were kind enough to hand me some kind of great new deal on all green lands. Of course, I signed the papers immediately before they could back down. What a bunch of suckers."