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Small Town In Crisis: Plant Closure Results In Shortage Of Population To Gossip About
"We knew who was going to work at the plant, and who was skipping work to day-drink at the bars. It was based upon our observations we knew who to gossip about... er, I mean, PRAY FOR at church."
Bird Standing In Middle Of Road Has Nothing Left To Live For
Her nest was destroyed by an asshole cat. Her mate left her for a beautiful songbird. She has lost her will to fly. So now it's up to you.
In Rare Interview, God Reveals Danny DeVito His Greatest Human Creation
A smidge too much Cherub and not enough baking powder gave us Patton Oswalt. So close. But Patton doesn't exude the same magic as Danny, you know? There's just something about Danny. I can't keep my eyes off him! Have you seen him in that Philadelphia show? I just want to pinch all of him!
Where Are They Now? Galaxy M87’s Black Hole
We found M87's Black Hole alone in space, 55 million light years away, exactly where she was discovered. Her name nary uttered on Earth, she spends her days eating her feelings by swallowing colossal amounts of light.
Fire Department Called To Rescue Woman Out Of Sports Bra
"My God! I was not prepared for this! Get those Jaws of Life here, STAT!"
Inmate Never Got A Prison Nickname
While serving a 10-year sentence for financial fraud, Dave Thompson never acquired a prison nickname.
Cat Who Has No Idea She Spayed Can’t Wait To Have Children Someday
Ever since Mittens spotted a mama cat with her kittens from her stoop, she has dreamed of the day she will have a litter of her own.