"We have a booming economy of impeachments," the President railed to staffers. "We'll get no credit for it by the liberal media though because they refuse to see the good work I'm doing. I did this. Me. Nobody helps me. Before us, only two impeachments, and now there are four. I have more articles. Sad. … Continue reading Trump Credits Self For Single-Handedly Increasing Presidential Impeachments By 100%
After a tumultuous few days, Senator Cruz was seen about the Hill rocking a bitching new earring. "It's not that I'm happy about the lil' coup, it's that I get it. I mean, they are right about the libs." Abuzz with images of the brief Capitol takeover, Cruz reportedly had an aide's niece's best friend … Continue reading Juiced Up On Insurrection, Ted Cruz Seen Sporting Fresh New Piercing
"Look, as long as I have breath in my beautiful body, I will never, they always tell me that, everyone says it. The police, I love them. I will never stop fighting the American people," Trump told his ungrateful nation. "You are the reason we are here. This mess is yours. Russia, Russia and Hillary … Continue reading Trump Promises To Never Stop Fighting The American People
Trump loses again.
"I remember they had this penny candy, and they didn't just call it that, it was all actually a penny. Mama would send us all down there with a few pennies, I still remember the jingle in my pocket from them, and we'd make our selection. I'd get a big thing of black licorice. A … Continue reading ‘A Loaf Of Bread Cost A Nickel When I Was A Kid’ McConnell Brags Of Huge Stimulus Bill
Washington D.C. After receiving accolades for his choice of Deb Haaland for the Department of Interior, President-Elect Biden has organized a search-committee to find a well qualified pregnant woman to head the Department of Labor. "It's a travesty that, in the 107 year history of this Agency, no pregnant woman has ever managed the DOL," … Continue reading Biden Seeks Pregnant Woman To Head Department Of Labor
"I just like to surround myself with the best of the best that Barack had to offer."
"Literally no way. Count them again. Again! This is so unfair."
“To the nation, you have our word that we’ll have 100% of the votes counted in this very close race before or on the day Joe Biden gets sworn in.”
Friends expressed support, but were also privately skeptical. “I've seen this before,” said Canada. “They say they’re going to clean up, blah blah blah, and the next thing you know they’re enacting voter suppression laws.”