He was warned that microphones, telephones, and cameras are all notorious carriers of Covid-19.
Baby Boomers Enjoy 7th Consecutive Decade Of Getting Exactly What They Want
"My dad was a WWII vet, and he always talked about leaving a better world for future generations," said one Biden fan. "But as a man born between 1946 and 1964, I'm still trying to wrap my head around that concept."
Melania Trump Self-Quarantines From Husband
"Goodbye, forever. Be best."
Pence Relieved To Learn Deadly Virus Spreading Only Among Homo Sapiens
“They’re constantly engaging in sexual activity. They love parading around half-naked. I’m no expert, but there’s a lot of evidence many of them have multiple partners, use stimulants, and visit steam rooms.”
Warren Returns To Home State Of Massachusetts To Burn It All To The Ground
Home of gross baked beans — While torching the place, Senator Warren could be heard singing Lizzo's Truth Hurts. I just took a DNA test, turns out I'm 100% that bitchEven when I'm crying crazyYeah, I got boy problems, that's the human in meBling bling, then I solve 'em, that's the goddess in meYou coulda … Continue reading Warren Returns To Home State Of Massachusetts To Burn It All To The Ground
Bloomberg Sets Fire To Billion Dollars Instead Of Continuing Campaign
Former Presidential candidate and eccentric billionaire, Mike Bloomberg, decided to suspend his Presidential campaign on Wednesday, despite a stunning victory in the American Samoa caucus. "My goal was to blow a billion dollars, and it was simply taking too long."
Crowd-Surfing Warren Injured After Her Supporters Failed To Catch Her
During an energetic campaign rally, Senator Elizabeth Warren jumped off the stage into her adoring audience. However, despite their declarations of support, audience members quickly dove out of the way, allowing Warren to flop to the ground. The Senator quickly bounced up from the floor, but her pain was very apparent as she hobbled back … Continue reading Crowd-Surfing Warren Injured After Her Supporters Failed To Catch Her
Biden Endorses Obama
"I have no doubt. He is the man for the job."
Pence Reports Coronavirus Already Responding Well To Conversion Therapy
"Some don't believe in this type of science, but that is because they lack the necessary faith to read the data."
78 Year-Old Jewish Man From Vermont Breaks Up Public Enemy
"You think I won’t break up more bands?" he shouted, his knitted sweater shaking with anger. "I broke up The Beatles while your parents were in diapers. NWA? That was me. I don't give a fuck. I'll break up the Stones too if I don't get the nomination."