“We will not stop at annihilating the beloved yellow dwelling of the All Star Special breakfast! The ICBMs of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard will wipe out all of America’s most sacred shrines, from Sheetz to Piggly Wiggly, Whataburger to Culver’s, and Shake Shack to Friendly’s! We will exterminate every Runza’s, Burgerville, In-N-Out and Wawa! Yes — Wawa!"
Hillary Clinton Offers To Email Impeachment Articles To Senate To Speed Things Up
Clinton has offered to whip out her most secure server and email those suckers over right now, using the officially recognized address of ConvictThatFucker@senate.com.
In 2,000 Years People Will Remember How I Was Crucified Just Like Santa Claus
The same people who murdered Santa—global elitist bankers—are trying to kill me, your president. Some people think this is funny, but believe me, those people won’t be laughing in 2,000 years.
Proud Trump Boasts Not Even Obama Was Impeached
"I got two Articles. Obama had none."
Don Jr. To Donate Proceeds From New Book To Charity That Combats Women And Minorities
"I'm already very blessed, so I wanted to donate 100 percent of the proceeds from this labor of love to charities that fight these women, minorities, and triggered libtards," Trump Jr. told his dad's fans at his book-signing. "These lefties are revolting. Thank you for joining me in this higher calling that my father has … Continue reading Don Jr. To Donate Proceeds From New Book To Charity That Combats Women And Minorities
Facebook Comedian Hits Upon Groundbreaking Revelation That The President Is Not Always Very Good
"I don't know if anyone's noticed this before, but his last name is actually derived from Drumpf. Drumpf!" posts Neville, plunging the depths of human discourse.
Halloween Trends: Bug-Eyed, Drooling Rudy Giuliani Will Be Big This Year
“In addition to resembling a crazed dingo, you’ll need to sound thoroughly inane. Try memorizing a list of completely disconnected words — ferret, linguine, Ukraine, prostate, criminal, schadenfreude, Yonkers, ungulate — then spit them out all night in random order.”
Breaking: Founder Of ISIS Killed
He had spent his youth in the military, where he was trained in piloting combat airplanes and dodging shoes.
Thank God I Didn’t Deliver On My Electoral Reform Promise!
I want to thank every Canadian that voted for me in this First Past The Post system, which I pledged to get rid of.
Trudeau Warns A Conservative Win Will Mean Four Years Of Fugly Andrew Scheer Calendars
“That's twelve distinct photos of his smug toddler smirk on that beady-eyed, punchable face that only a mother could love. Now compare that to me, the world's sexiest leader, with my chiseled, Ken doll face. Which Canada will you invest in?”