"Say food production goes down. The price of food skyrockets. You know whose problem that is? Poor people's. Floods? That's a problem if you're on the ground. Not if you're a hardworking American who can afford to build a 100-foot lighthouse."
Britain Celebrates Last Week Of May
The U.K. is about to begin celebrating a uniquely British holiday known as Last Week of May. We met with Dr. Jerome Citron, Professor Emeritus of British Holidays at Oxford University, for more details.
Embryo Checking Every Hour To See If It Given Penis, Rights
According to sources close to the scene, a human embryo in its eighth week of development has been frantically checking at least once an hour to see if it is developing a rights-conferring penis.
Department of Education Announces All Student Debt Could Be Completely Paid Off By 5395
The Department concluded, “We look forward to the diminishing numbers of educational debt over the coming millennia, and hopefully we will get there before being completely enslaved by our imminent robot overlords.”
Man Tells Grandson About Time He Fought Nazis In Famous 2019 Twitter Battle Of Christchurch
Of course, this was way back when. It's ancient history now. It's been at least two months.
Debt-Ridden USA Asks France About Warranty On Louisiana
"It's a disaster," Trump exclaimed. "It just doesn't work. They've gone through, like, 11 State Constitutions and they're still losers. If anyone knows a bad deal, it's me. I've made thousands of them."