“It is very clear to me that the Jedi and the Democrats are working together to try and take me down. Typical bipartisan move between the dems and the High Council. SAD.”
The Best Thing I Ever Did Was Cut All The Toxic People Out Of My Life
Op-ed by Vladimir Putin
Nixon’s Ghost Visits Trump To Remind Him ‘They Can’t Fire You If You Quit’
After summoning the ghost of Richard Nixon to seek his wise counsel, Trump was disappointed by his advice. "Patriots don't await their fate—they make it. Join me. Just quit. Do it. You can throw up deuces in front of a helicopter." "NO!" Trump slammed his fist onto his desk, inadvertently squirting ketchup everywhere. "This isn't … Continue reading Nixon’s Ghost Visits Trump To Remind Him ‘They Can’t Fire You If You Quit’
Trudeau To Pose Shirtless Until Brownface Scandal Goes Away
"People have long since given up on me based on my record alone," said the Prime Minister. "But I have a feeling if I just stay here in this pose for as long as it takes, flashing my luscious abs to millions of thirsty baes, people will start to remember me as that attractive, promising candidate I once was."
American Pharoah Tries Biting The Gay Out Of Mike Pence In New Conversion Biting Therapy
"I’ve won so many races in my lifetime and was ready for a new adventure, so I threw my hooves into gay conversion therapy."
Chuck Todd Scoffs At Buttigieg’s Pitiful Attempt To Grow Facial Hair
In an uncomfortable segment on Meet the Press, moderator Chuck Todd mercilessly ridiculed Presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg.
