"Say food production goes down. The price of food skyrockets. You know whose problem that is? Poor people's. Floods? That's a problem if you're on the ground. Not if you're a hardworking American who can afford to build a 100-foot lighthouse."
The U.K. is about to begin celebrating a uniquely British holiday known as Last Week of May. We met with Dr. Jerome Citron, Professor Emeritus of British Holidays at Oxford University, for more details.
According to sources close to the scene, a human embryo in its eighth week of development has been frantically checking at least once an hour to see if it is developing a rights-conferring penis.
The Department concluded, “We look forward to the diminishing numbers of educational debt over the coming millennia, and hopefully we will get there before being completely enslaved by our imminent robot overlords.”
Of course, this was way back when. It's ancient history now. It's been at least two months.
"It's a disaster," Trump exclaimed. "It just doesn't work. They've gone through, like, 11 State Constitutions and they're still losers. If anyone knows a bad deal, it's me. I've made thousands of them."