Bidens Hop The Train Back To Delaware After A Long Day Of Inaugural Events

"Oh, it's been quite a long day," President Biden waved to the socially-distanced crowd. "Figured we'd turn in early, maybe catch up on The Queen's Gambit, and get ready to do it all again in the morning. We'll be back to the White House bright and early definitely by lunch time. This is the honor … Continue reading Bidens Hop The Train Back To Delaware After A Long Day Of Inaugural Events

Trump Makes Surprise Last-Minute Push To Overturn Election Results

After a tumultuous free and fair election season that saw President Trump demanding to stop the count and then to recount and recount and recount the votes, President Joe Biden was sworn in as the 46th President of the United States. Making one final attempt to overturn the will of over 80 million people, Trump … Continue reading Trump Makes Surprise Last-Minute Push To Overturn Election Results

Melania Thanks Husband Barack, Daughters Sasha And Malia In Farewell Speech

"Hey! (Applause.) What’s going on? (Applause.) Thank you all so much. You guys, that’s a command — rest yourselves. (Laughter.) We’re almost at the end. (Laughter.) Hello, everyone. And, may I say for the last time officially, welcome to the White House. Yes! (Applause.) Well, we are beyond thrilled to have you all here to … Continue reading Melania Thanks Husband Barack, Daughters Sasha And Malia In Farewell Speech

Biden’s Dogs All That’s Getting Man Through Day

"Look at them! Champ and Major, what a world. Presidential puppers, how have we made it 4 years without a Presidential pupper? But my God, it's happening. Yes, sir, look at you guys with those deep, soulful eyes and shiny coats," Sam Sherman, 39, said scrolling through his phone, scratching their scruffy little necks on … Continue reading Biden’s Dogs All That’s Getting Man Through Day

Trump Credits Self For Single-Handedly Increasing Presidential Impeachments By 100%

"We have a booming economy of impeachments," the President railed to staffers. "We'll get no credit for it by the liberal media though because they refuse to see the good work I'm doing. I did this. Me. Nobody helps me. Before us, only two impeachments, and now there are four. I have more articles. Sad. … Continue reading Trump Credits Self For Single-Handedly Increasing Presidential Impeachments By 100%

Juiced Up On Insurrection, Ted Cruz Seen Sporting Fresh New Piercing

After a tumultuous few days, Senator Cruz was seen about the Hill rocking a bitching new earring. "It's not that I'm happy about the lil' coup, it's that I get it. I mean, they are right about the libs." Abuzz with images of the brief Capitol takeover, Cruz reportedly had an aide's niece's best friend … Continue reading Juiced Up On Insurrection, Ted Cruz Seen Sporting Fresh New Piercing

Twitter CEO: We Just Now Realized He Violated Our Terms Of Service

Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey announced a permanent suspension of Donald Trump's Twitter account, after discovering a few of his posts may have violated their terms of service. "We received some complaints over the past decade about inappropriate content on @realDonaldTrump, but obviously we cannot police every user on Twitter," said Dorsey. "We received a handful … Continue reading Twitter CEO: We Just Now Realized He Violated Our Terms Of Service