According to the police report, "She said it was just a routine stop-and-frisk, but it did not feel routine. The Senator attacked Mr. Bloomberg, repeatedly hammering him with what she called 'good policy.' He was left with multiple bruises to both his face, and his ego. He is seeking a restraining order for duration of … Continue reading Bloomberg Gets Restraining Order After Being Pistol-Whipped By Warren
Warren Packs Battered Bloomberg In Suitcase And Heads To Next Campaign Event
Fresh off last night's debate, Elizabeth Warren was spotted this afternoon stuffing a bruised, whimpering Michael Bloomberg into a very sensible Samsonite suitcase. When asked by reporters what she was doing, Warren responded, "Sorry, I've signed a non-disclosure agreement." The suitcase is believed to have been purchased at a yard sale. By Paul Klingle, Photo … Continue reading Warren Packs Battered Bloomberg In Suitcase And Heads To Next Campaign Event
How To Assume A New Identity And Start Over After Leaving An Awkward Voicemail
Taking your Wu Tang name into consideration, think of how the new you would want their hair. For example, after telling my landlord "I love you" before hanging up the phone, I opted for the name Ambassador Strong. How would Ambassador style her hair? Does she even have hair? Maybe Ambassador is more of a hat person.
8-Year-Old Claiming Controller Is Broken, Really Just Sucks At Video Games
8-year-old Matt Grimes has reportedly claimed that his controller is broken, leading him to only have 2 kills and 28 deaths in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, and couldn't face the truth that he really just sucks ass at video games.
Daddy Is Very Disappointed
"I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed."
‘Then She Was Like, And I Was Like’ Story Probably Not Ending Soon
The story involves someone named Carrie, who is either Allen’s work enemy, his college housemate, or maybe his cousin. Seriously, does it matter?
Man Misunderstands Wife’s Request For Edible Arrangement
“It's been years since we've done anything like that, but she's been hinting at it for a couple weeks,” said a confused Nathan Moody of his wife, Whitney.
Amish Community Celebrates Valentine’s Day With Annual Fuckfest
“The annual fuckfest is an old tradition that we take very seriously,” Glick explains. “Each village arranges for February 14th to be a day free from work to be devoted to prayer and debauched orgies.”
Boyfriend Gives New Girlfriend Dozen Chocolate-Covered Red Flags For Valentine’s Day
“To me,” says Angela, “each one of these symbolizes a milestone in our romance. Like, this one marks the day I learned Doug really needs me to work hard and earn money so he doesn’t have to live in a basement suite with five ex-felons.”