"I got your gas right here."
Melinda Gates Seeks Divorce Due To Frustration With Windows 10 Update
"I let it go when he engaged in predatory business practices against his competitors. I even looked the other way when he implanted tracking devices in vaccines. But when my Tomb Raider Reloaded crashed, it was the last straw. I want to update and restart."
Pelosi Accidentally Tears Up Biden Speech
"I just can't stand that orange Cheeto."
CDC Lifts Moratorium On Mass-Shootings
The CDC has found, among other things, that fully-vaccinated shooters are less likely to get and spread COVID-19.
White People Relieved As Guilty Verdict Rights Centuries Of Racial Injustice
"We're cool now, right? I mean - slavery, whew, what was that? Now, *that* was crazy," asked millions of white Americans after former officer Chauvin was found guilty of all three counts in the murder of George Floyd. "You know I voted for Obama, don't you? I was all set to go protest the verdict, … Continue reading White People Relieved As Guilty Verdict Rights Centuries Of Racial Injustice
Jesus Asks If Pandemic Over Before Emerging From Tomb
"You know a year ago I had been told that everything would be open by Easter."
Defense: Chauvin Had To Kneel On Floyd’s Neck Because He Really Wanted To
"Would you deny this devoted community servant his id's primal desires?" Attorney Eric Nelson pleaded with jurors. "Imagine yourself in his shoes: always wanting to slowly suffocating a man to death, never giving in to the bloodthirst. Day in, day out. Well he had had enough, I say. Enough! What if it were you? Would … Continue reading Defense: Chauvin Had To Kneel On Floyd’s Neck Because He Really Wanted To
Major Keeps Biden People
The president’s German Shepherd sure is in the doghouse for this! He may be German but we did Nazi this coming. Dogocrats and Repuplicans alike believe this story is just a wag-the-dog tactic.
Matt Gaetz Denies Relationship With 17 Yr Old: I’d Never Go Older Than 15
"Do not believe this smear campaign against me," Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz appealed to voters. "These people have been out to get me since the first time my perfectly coiffed hair entered a 10th grade class on a campaign tour. It is vile to think I'd ever tap a 17-year-old when we all know the … Continue reading Matt Gaetz Denies Relationship With 17 Yr Old: I’d Never Go Older Than 15
Drug Company Develops Vaccine Powder For Florida Residents To Snort
After a rocky rollout of the J&J and Pfizer vaccines in Florida, the New Jersey-based Merk & Co has announced a Sunshine State-specific COVID vaccine. "We know they like dirty needles down there, but Pfizer's being really persnickety about not reusing them. Then it hit us. How can we convince all Floridians to take this … Continue reading Drug Company Develops Vaccine Powder For Florida Residents To Snort