“I could wait until the mailman gets here, I guess, and just go for it. But I hate to just take out one old, fat divorced guy. Allah’s made it pretty clear you only get one virgin for that.”
“That’s why I love watching Ellen, dear. Her guests are always so . . . . relevant.”
"But still, it is very impressive how we've grown this."
The only way now to satisfy the enigmatic beast is to throw people directly into the pit.
Their new rescue bill.
“People who squander their life savings to cram into a floating toilet and gorge themselves like bloated roaches, just to get dumped off at a succession of filthy, tawdry ports and robbed by hateful locals, deserve suffering, at the very least.”
"Obviously, it’s very easy if you’re a U.S. Senator. For the rest of us, it’s not as easy as shifting your portfolio toward, say, ventilator manufacturers, although that’s not the worst strategy. A more subtle approach might call for accumulating equity in personal weaponry suppliers.”
Dutifully, great American patriots are labeling any loose suggestion to "shelter in place" or "stay at home" as "typical communist bullshit." However, since the vast majority of citizens are not yet homeless — they have gotten quickly on board with these strict directives targeting others.
Even though you’ve lived in the house since January 2017, blame the person who lived there before you