Mars Rover Ruins First Shot By Accidentally Having Camera In Selfie Mode

After an exciting journey, the Perseverance gave space-enthusiasts everywhere a front row view itself taking in the sights of the red planet. It took hours to correct the problem, there it was, just snapping away like Grandpa visiting Japan for the first time since the war. "My God, it's spectacular," exclaimed NASA's Acting Administrator Steve … Continue reading Mars Rover Ruins First Shot By Accidentally Having Camera In Selfie Mode

Republicans Blame ‘Global Warming Or Whatever Libs Call It’ On AOC’s Hot Body

"Not that it's real, but whatever was causing all of Texas to be caught under an avalanche, supposed 'global warming' or whatever nonsense hooey, it is clear that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is at fault," Senator Ted Cruz told reporters. "It's just like what Tucker Carlson says, 'How's the weather supposed to pay attention to what it's … Continue reading Republicans Blame ‘Global Warming Or Whatever Libs Call It’ On AOC’s Hot Body

Ted Cruz Recommends All Fellow Texans Fly To Cancún Until Snowstorm Passes

"I went to Mexico because I love my family. I'm a good dad. If you love your family, you should go too. Our pipe's are frozen. Or our windmills, something like that. All I know is it's AOC's fault, and it's cold af here," Cruz told reporters at the airport. "Geez, get off my back. … Continue reading Ted Cruz Recommends All Fellow Texans Fly To Cancún Until Snowstorm Passes

Acquitted: Senate Finds Trump Not Guilty Of Doing The Things He Did

The Senate falls short again of convicting President Trump. The case was an uphill battle as most Republican Senators cannot vote their conscious because they do not have one. "We believe he is not guilty of doing things he did or of saying the things he said," Mitch McConnell explained. "Frankly, there was no evidence … Continue reading Acquitted: Senate Finds Trump Not Guilty Of Doing The Things He Did

Trump’s Lawyer Admits He Forgot He Was Supposed To Be Defending Him

After a sham of an opening statement, attorney Bruce Castor sheepishly admitted he completely forgot that he was part of Trump's defense team. I realize I pointed out that I know the difference between prosecution and defense, and I swear I do, but I got about 45 minutes in and realized that the ones nodding … Continue reading Trump’s Lawyer Admits He Forgot He Was Supposed To Be Defending Him

Dad Who Left For Cigarettes In 2005 To Return For 3K Child Relief Package

After President Biden announced a plan to provide $3000 per child age six through 17 and $3600 for those under six, deadbeat father of two Jim Hopple realized his greatest regret was abandoning his family. "I don't know, it just hit me. What am I doing with my life? I'm just going to walk out … Continue reading Dad Who Left For Cigarettes In 2005 To Return For 3K Child Relief Package