"Things are kind of tight right now, so this will be enough to tide us over a bit. Plus, sometimes I bring Archie along for the ride, and it puts him right to sleep. We'll be okay. Oi — give me a top rating, will ya? Cheers, mates," Prince Harry told the horde of paparazzi … Continue reading Prince Harry Picks Up A Few Uber Shifts To Get Family Through To Next Royalty Check
"We do plan to retain our titles and income, but the job itself has become unbearable."
“Hey, check this out,” Hayes says, nudging his roommates Ryan and Jackson to look at his student loan balance. Ryan looks over, eyes bugged: “Sweet.”
New York — The judge ordered Mr. Weinstein to wear the cone after he had to be repeatedly told to stop licking and tugging his testicles during the proceedings. "I didn't know where to look. It was very distracting," a source from inside the courtroom stated. "This should really help us all to focus much … Continue reading Harvey Weinstein Wears Dog Cone To Prevent Self From Licking Balls In Court
"For decades, our nation has lamented the fact that John Adams is likely oscillating in his coffin," said a spokesperson. "But we're only now discovering that our Founding Fathers' rotational exasperation at the state of America today is a source of clean, white-hot fuel, comparable to over 15,000 nuclear reactors."
“It's so strange. I mean, look at what they're doing,” Wilcox exclaims, waving his hand at the monitor, which is displaying a full-screen video of a bear getting his nipples sucked. “I'm old enough to be that twink's father. Fuck me!”
"We wondered why it was so much colder than usual."
Already, the tweets portending mass destruction and counter-tweets in support of the drone-strike are reverberating around the planet — but the shockwaves produced by these thought-leaders will look like nothing compared to the coming onslaught of cognoscenti packing bombshells of panic, anxiety and terror into 280 characters or less.
“My parents first noticed it when I had my school photo taken in kindergarten,” says Morris. “In the picture, my left eye was so crossed, it was practically under my nose. Also, I was lying in a corner staring vacantly into space.”
Clinton has offered to whip out her most secure server and email those suckers over right now, using the officially recognized address of ConvictThatFucker@senate.com.