"You want a stimulus package? I got your stimulus package right here," Mr. Trump told the press, two fingers firmly gripping his withered penis. "They all want one. I fought COVID. Obama never fought it. Sad. It's really terrible what the radical left is doing to my great nation. Nancy got her hair cut that … Continue reading Trump: I Got Your Stimulus Package Right Here
"I feel great. Never better. Sad about the radical left. Lies. I wish I could go back in time and kiss every Chinaman on the mouth. Do not be afraid, for I am with you. They never appreciate me. They never appreciate me. I think I beat it because I have the strength of 200,000 … Continue reading Trump Says He Beat COVID Because He Has The Strength Of 200,000 Dead Americans
"We were shocked to see these high COVID numbers; our warehouses are infamous for being a very fun and very safe environment for our high turnover staff. That said, we're working on making our work conditions safer. On a positive note, we will soon be launching our brand new Prime+ membership where you can expect your deliveries to arrive within an hour after ordering!"
Bethesda, MD After five shifts of nurses assigned to President Trump at Walter Reed Hospital observed one too many bare-chested exhibitions by the President, a petition was submitted to treating physician, Dr. Sean Conley, asking for an immediate discharge. "We can deal with vomit, cleaning up feces, and being splattered with blood, but a half-naked … Continue reading President’s Nurses Demand Immediate Discharge
"Here's your check, coronavirus. We have a deal. You go away, you stay away, you pretend you never met me.”
"Oooh, do we like that?"
Republicans assert that something called “democracy” is being used to create a “fair election” which could result in “representative government.” These “votes” may be “counted” and produce a “valid outcome.” Investigators say this subversive operation could result in Americans living under the tyranny imposed by “constitutional rights.”