“Even if you roll into town unexpected at, like, 3 AM, they’re like, 'Hey, mi casa es su casa.' It sure is!”
"I can't stop," said the pumpkin. "I started doing a face, then it was a witch on a broom, then like this really detailed diorama of the Game of Thrones sets. Sometimes I think about just gutting myself straight into a pumpkin pie baking pan and getting it over with."
After canceling his 1UP DLC Tour, and taking ownership of his low ticket sales, rapper T-Pain had this to say. "I thank you for your support, and I'm looking forward to making my next tour the best one ever. Everyone's invited backstage. Let me buy u a drank."
“First, we rounded a corner and were shocked by a surprise variable interest rate. Then boom! The balloon debt exploded and we were nearly catapulted into the jaws of a predatory home equity loan. It was horrific.”
Matt Gaetz: Fort Walton Beach resident, local crackpot.
"Guys, we only have like three active accounts left, and we're pretty sure two of them are actually the same person."
I'm probably the first person to ever say this because, but I've never been one to keep silent on important matters, so here goes: I DO NOT LIKE CANDY CORN. There, I said it.
"I could have taken it easy today, maybe just built four or five houses, but someone has to do it."
I want to thank every Canadian that voted for me in this First Past The Post system, which I pledged to get rid of.
Jello: Wobbly and unstable like when Daddy was drinking again.