"That memorial was one of the most eye-opening, profoundly heart-wrenching experiences I have ever had, but it's the burial ground for a million-plus innocent lives. How many stars is that worth?? Fuck me."
Born on a mountain, raised in a cave, trapped in a car.
"I was using my alt account to send my usual dick pics to random hotties on Instagram - you know, the ones that show some skin and essentially are asking for aggressive sexual reciprocity from appreciative guys like me - but with the photo glitch, all I could send was disappointing attachments that no one woman wants to look at."
“When a person is unconscious, others need to make decisions on their behalf. I know I've certainly had to."
"I’m ramming vag on the daily. I’m not coming to them, they’re coming to me, on me, all around me. The moment I hit my vibraslap, the vibrations this thing sends off permeate these women’s panties, and they’re instantly moist."
"We gave it our all this season, put our blood, sweat and tears into every game we played, and that is why we're here as the champions today. Sorry about that. Truly. Perhaps we can share the trophy?"