“Adding unicycle lanes to freeways will reduce vehicle traffic and incentivize citizens to do their part for the environment, one wheel at a time.”
Subaru CEO Tomomi Nakamura breathed a sigh of relief, “We can finally put all of this behind us.”
“Hey, check this out,” Hayes says, nudging his roommates Ryan and Jackson to look at his student loan balance. Ryan looks over, eyes bugged: “Sweet.”
“It's so strange. I mean, look at what they're doing,” Wilcox exclaims, waving his hand at the monitor, which is displaying a full-screen video of a bear getting his nipples sucked. “I'm old enough to be that twink's father. Fuck me!”
Pixar has a new film coming out, and no doubt it's going to be epic. Do you know what other epic thing is happening this year? This god damn Shiraz stain on my brand new Cashmere sweater, that's what.
“With his time-traveling capability, Keanu could easily be hooking up with younger-era women. Instead of chasing after a medieval princess, though, Keanu settled with someone from the same historical time span. This is empowering to all 21st Century women!”
“In addition to resembling a crazed dingo, you’ll need to sound thoroughly inane. Try memorizing a list of completely disconnected words — ferret, linguine, Ukraine, prostate, criminal, schadenfreude, Yonkers, ungulate — then spit them out all night in random order.”
I want to thank every Canadian that voted for me in this First Past The Post system, which I pledged to get rid of.
“What if I told you that this poster is the bomb dot com?” youth pastor Dave Englund says to himself, hanging a poster in his church's youth indoor rec room/folding chair storage room.
“That's twelve distinct photos of his smug toddler smirk on that beady-eyed, punchable face that only a mother could love. Now compare that to me, the world's sexiest leader, with my chiseled, Ken doll face. Which Canada will you invest in?”