Dolby Theatre, Los Angeles, CA — By Andrew Froese, Photo Edit by Emily Sanchez
From her upcoming album 'I Just Wanna Be Your Scorpion'
“I just have a feeling there’s more to the wraith realm than all these fancy trappings,” says Daniel, as he fidgets with his newest, trendy toy, a high-tech chain that can be rattled at forty different frequencies.
We sat down with Green Day's singer, who, for some reason, sounds like some cockney bloke with a nasal drip.
“Adding unicycle lanes to freeways will reduce vehicle traffic and incentivize citizens to do their part for the environment, one wheel at a time.”
Subaru CEO Tomomi Nakamura breathed a sigh of relief, “We can finally put all of this behind us.”
“Hey, check this out,” Hayes says, nudging his roommates Ryan and Jackson to look at his student loan balance. Ryan looks over, eyes bugged: “Sweet.”
“It's so strange. I mean, look at what they're doing,” Wilcox exclaims, waving his hand at the monitor, which is displaying a full-screen video of a bear getting his nipples sucked. “I'm old enough to be that twink's father. Fuck me!”
Pixar has a new film coming out, and no doubt it's going to be epic. Do you know what other epic thing is happening this year? This god damn Shiraz stain on my brand new Cashmere sweater, that's what.
“With his time-traveling capability, Keanu could easily be hooking up with younger-era women. Instead of chasing after a medieval princess, though, Keanu settled with someone from the same historical time span. This is empowering to all 21st Century women!”