"May I treat you to a nice massage, my love?" I say, ushering her to our marriage bed.
"Ugh! You lucky slut! Is that, like, better than Prime??"
Remember that blood we talked about earlier? Double dip some of that ruby red goo and apply generously to your lips. Bold lips tell the EMT defibrillating your heart that you are not to be underestimated.
I started The Cultural Segregation Society just six months ago, and I've already gotten some amazing feedback. One African-American woman I met at Denny's called me a White Knight. It truly was an honor!
"Does he have to swallow so loudly? Who raised this man? Why did they teach him to swallow like a whale gulping krill off the surface of the ocean? I can't live like this."
Donald Glover is an American actor, writer, singer, director, producer, and stand-up comedian. He got his start writing for the show 30 Rock when he was just 23-years-old. Unlike me, who at 23-years-old still didn't have a driver's license or my own bank account.
Chow down on some ramen from your Christmas tree stand. The best part is that it holds an absolute fuck-load of ramen. What's the best kind of ramen? A fuck-load.
"He doesn't realize the strain that this puts on her whole family. The stress of which is causing her gout to flare up, so now she will have to watch what she eats when she goes out for Chinese with Tina on Tuesday."
Old, worn-out t-shirts are for homeless people. Impress him with your style and class by mopping yourself off with a delicate, handmade lace cravat. He will be sure to reward your efforts by bringing you some post-coital tea and biscotti.