"May I treat you to a nice massage, my love?" I say, ushering her to our marriage bed.
American Woman Jealous That Brazilian Friend Has Exclusive Access To Something Called ‘Amazon Fire’
"Ugh! You lucky slut! Is that, like, better than Prime??"
Quick Makeup Looks To Apply While You Wait For The Paramedics To Arrive
Remember that blood we talked about earlier? Double dip some of that ruby red goo and apply generously to your lips. Bold lips tell the EMT defibrillating your heart that you are not to be underestimated.
Cultural Appropriation Is Wrong, Which Is Why I Started The Cultural Segregation Society!
I started The Cultural Segregation Society just six months ago, and I've already gotten some amazing feedback. One African-American woman I met at Denny's called me a White Knight. It truly was an honor!
I Can’t Decide If I Have PMS Or My Husband Is Suddenly A Garbage Human Being
"Does he have to swallow so loudly? Who raised this man? Why did they teach him to swallow like a whale gulping krill off the surface of the ocean? I can't live like this."
Why Does Donald Glover Get To Be Good At Everything, But I Only Get To Be Good At Like Two Things?
Donald Glover is an American actor, writer, singer, director, producer, and stand-up comedian. He got his start writing for the show 30 Rock when he was just 23-years-old. Unlike me, who at 23-years-old still didn't have a driver's license or my own bank account.
Life Hack: How To Plan Dinner Around Which Dishes Are Clean
Chow down on some ramen from your Christmas tree stand. The best part is that it holds an absolute fuck-load of ramen. What's the best kind of ramen? A fuck-load.
Cashier-That-You-Just-Met’s Stepson In Jail Again
"He doesn't realize the strain that this puts on her whole family. The stress of which is causing her gout to flare up, so now she will have to watch what she eats when she goes out for Chinese with Tina on Tuesday."
This Season’s Trends In Sex Towels
Old, worn-out t-shirts are for homeless people. Impress him with your style and class by mopping yourself off with a delicate, handmade lace cravat. He will be sure to reward your efforts by bringing you some post-coital tea and biscotti.