Leveling a cold, calculating gaze at his laptop monitor, sources confirm, Devin Abner appeared to read every last line of the Terms and Conditions preceding his submission of a credit card application Tuesday afternoon.
“I mean, why should I have to ride my Divvy through a sad community of displaced Puerto Ricans on my way to Uncle Dan’s Outfitters? I don’t need that kind of negativity weighing on my conscience."
“My eyebrows are singed,” Hardwick said, "and I’m going to have some retinal damage. But that’s not something you get to see every day."