"I always vote Red — but once a week, I allow myself to make love to a gentleman."
"Due to the countless hands that have touched them, PIN pads are a breeding ground for germs," a spokesperson for the CDC told reporters. "We're advising that users use a dick to punch in their PIN. We realize that only about half of the population is in possession of a penis, so we're asking that … Continue reading CDC Recommends Touching PIN Pad With Dick To Avoid Dirty Hands
Sources close to the White House have confirmed that Vice President Mike Pence has repeatedly expressed interest in a solid probe. He has talked of this moment since long before the election, and seems more joyful as the time for it draws near. "I would like Mother to be present for it, but I understand … Continue reading Despite Protest, Pence Is Secretly Looking Forward To A Good Probe
Of course, you didn't need a DNA test to tell you this.
"We are in love," Waltham told Huntsman's parents. "And he's not in my class this year, I only had him last year for 7th grade pre-Algebra. So this isn't even impacting his grade."
OK, I get that the scrotum slapping was a bit much, but no more sword fighting?
We know he knows this stuff, and they're just being unreasonable. I looked at his grades online, and he doesn't even have any. They're all just zeros. If they'd just find a way to reach him, maybe he would stop smoking in his bedroom all day, and turn up to class."
At press time, Jared from Toronto was sending her a series of dick pics knowing that once she sees his sweet piece, "She'll find the time."
Something new from Lindt.
"Some oils are stimulating, some are relaxing. There's one that smells like Christmas. I don't know how they do it, but all of a sudden I'm right there baking cookies with the baby Jesus."