CDC Recommends Touching PIN Pad With Dick To Avoid Dirty Hands

"Due to the countless hands that have touched them, PIN pads are a breeding ground for germs," a spokesperson for the CDC told reporters. "We're advising that users use a dick to punch in their PIN. We realize that only about half of the population is in possession of a penis, so we're asking that … Continue reading CDC Recommends Touching PIN Pad With Dick To Avoid Dirty Hands

Despite Protest, Pence Is Secretly Looking Forward To A Good Probe

Sources close to the White House have confirmed that Vice President Mike Pence has repeatedly expressed interest in a solid probe. He has talked of this moment since long before the election, and seems more joyful as the time for it draws near. "I would like Mother to be present for it, but I understand … Continue reading Despite Protest, Pence Is Secretly Looking Forward To A Good Probe