Workers are allowed to bring their favorite snuggle animal, and are provided a communal bowl of water to keep them comfortable. Headline by Ethan Moore
“These kids should have just gotten into the back of the van,” said Police Chief Larry Doran. “They may have missed their chance to pet a puppy and get some free candy."
Contractors in Heaven started work on a very large two-story addition late last year. It was expected to be finished in June, but after a safety inspection revealed areas inaccessible to those in wheelchairs, the opening was pushed back four months.
The recording may take some time to finish, as drummer Joey Kramer was arrested last night for wrestling an imaginary bear at a KFC while naked and high on bath salts.
“Sometimes, I'll see somebody down the street rippin' a butt, and even though I'm not going that way, I'll walk through their smoke and cough,”
By Ethan Moore, Image Edit By Emily Sanchez
“From dropping off overdosing friends at the ER from out of a moving car, to giving 15% discounts to people who just completed rehab — there is no denying that he is a true friend.”
"Do you know where Boots and Map are? Dónde está Boots? Tell me, you bastards! I'm very scared. ¡Asustada!"
“I sort of tentatively made a move to hug him. But at the same exact time, he put his hand out for a shake. I corrected at the last minute, and tried to add a pat on the back as if the shake-pat was all I had in mind all along. But I think he saw through it. Now what the hell are we supposed to do next time? Am I supposed to downgrade and not offer a hug? How will I even withstand his eye contact?"
Multiple media entities in the state of Florida issued a joint statement today reminding citizens which state they were in, after nearly two whole days without an embarrassing news story.