“I sort of tentatively made a move to hug him. But at the same exact time, he put his hand out for a shake. I corrected at the last minute, and tried to add a pat on the back as if the shake-pat was all I had in mind all along. But I think he saw through it. Now what the hell are we supposed to do next time? Am I supposed to downgrade and not offer a hug? How will I even withstand his eye contact?"
Multiple media entities in the state of Florida issued a joint statement today reminding citizens which state they were in, after nearly two whole days without an embarrassing news story.
“As soon as we started eating like this I realized how stupid I was for working all those years,” Baker admitted while pouring a glass of Champagne.
By Ethan Moore
Michaels plans on running the most honest campaign, and he is off to a great start: “Fuck you. Fuck everyone,"
"They may as well all be black.”
“We figure we can feed it scraps and leftovers. And the water bottle in the cage is pretty big so they should be able to share if we fill it once a day.”