The recording may take some time to finish, as drummer Joey Kramer was arrested last night for wrestling an imaginary bear at a KFC while naked and high on bath salts.
“Sometimes, I'll see somebody down the street rippin' a butt, and even though I'm not going that way, I'll walk through their smoke and cough,”
By Ethan Moore, Image Edit By Emily Sanchez
“From dropping off overdosing friends at the ER from out of a moving car, to giving 15% discounts to people who just completed rehab — there is no denying that he is a true friend.”
"Do you know where Boots and Map are? Dónde está Boots? Tell me, you bastards! I'm very scared. ¡Asustada!"
“I sort of tentatively made a move to hug him. But at the same exact time, he put his hand out for a shake. I corrected at the last minute, and tried to add a pat on the back as if the shake-pat was all I had in mind all along. But I think he saw through it. Now what the hell are we supposed to do next time? Am I supposed to downgrade and not offer a hug? How will I even withstand his eye contact?"
Multiple media entities in the state of Florida issued a joint statement today reminding citizens which state they were in, after nearly two whole days without an embarrassing news story.
“As soon as we started eating like this I realized how stupid I was for working all those years,” Baker admitted while pouring a glass of Champagne.
By Ethan Moore
Michaels plans on running the most honest campaign, and he is off to a great start: “Fuck you. Fuck everyone,"