"I just can't stand that orange Cheeto."
The CDC has found, among other things, that fully-vaccinated shooters are less likely to get and spread COVID-19.
President Biden apologized after realizing he accidentally vetoed the COVID relief bill. “Sh*t! They put a bunch of papers on my desk to sign, and I signed on the wrong line. Now Joe Manchin is telling me he will hold up any new bill in the Senate unless I give him another neck massage.”
The Center for Disease Control has announced that the United States will soon mark 500,000 conspiracy theories. "Only about half of these theories are directly related to COVID-19," said Dr. Anthony Fauci. "There are the familiar stories about Bill Gates implanting Microsoft products within the vaccine, and a (still alive) Jeff Epstein using COVID-19 wards … Continue reading U.S. Surpasses 500,000 Conspiracy Theories
“Look at my big boy now, off to overthrow the government. I know he wants to do this on his own, but I'm checking his backpack.”
I love to talk about MASSIVE VOTER FRAUD and FIGHTING TO STOP THE STEAL.
Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey announced a permanent suspension of Donald Trump's Twitter account, after discovering a few of his posts may have violated their terms of service. "We received some complaints over the past decade about inappropriate content on @realDonaldTrump, but obviously we cannot police every user on Twitter," said Dorsey. "We received a handful … Continue reading Twitter CEO: We Just Now Realized He Violated Our Terms Of Service
WASHINGTON In a lawsuit filed with the Supreme Court Thursday, ubershyster Rudy Giuliani asked the Court to declare the date to be September 23rd. In a press conference held in the parking lot of Supreme Video, Giuliani produced several witnesses who claimed to have witnessed incidents of calendar fraud. "I saw a truck with dozens … Continue reading Giuliani Claims Calendar Fraud
As various family members passed from the living room to the kitchen for a snack, they unsuccessfully tried to persuade Mom that she had already seen the Hallmark movie she was watching. "Hey, isn't this the one where the handsome developer comes to town to take over Danica McKellar's bakery," asked Amy? "I don't know," … Continue reading Family Pretty Sure Mom Has Already Seen This Hallmark Movie
Washington D.C. After receiving accolades for his choice of Deb Haaland for the Department of Interior, President-Elect Biden has organized a search-committee to find a well qualified pregnant woman to head the Department of Labor. "It's a travesty that, in the 107 year history of this Agency, no pregnant woman has ever managed the DOL," … Continue reading Biden Seeks Pregnant Woman To Head Department Of Labor