When asked on a questionnaire why they wore the socks, almost everyone checked the boxes for “I need the attention people give me,” “Regular socks make me feel lonely and afraid,” and “I can hide little love notes to myself in each toe compartment.”
“We have it all,” said Michael Mercurio, co-founder. “There are partial pizzas. Half-full boxes of pretzels. Oreos without the cream middle. There’s even a section called ‘Leftovers’ in Aisle 8 where you can buy the remains of other people’s dinners."
Akin to those who take comfort in owning therapy animals, Phillips has acquired a “therapy sink” that she keeps with her at all times. “I feel so much calmer now,” she said. “No more wasting precious seconds or even minutes finding the nearest sink to wash up.”
"I can’t wait to see how many followers we get," said His Holiness. "When do they start showing up? It’s been a few weeks and Bishop Moynihan is still the only guy on there so far."
Hundreds of children were traumatized.
"I can't stop," said the pumpkin. "I started doing a face, then it was a witch on a broom, then like this really detailed diorama of the Game of Thrones sets. Sometimes I think about just gutting myself straight into a pumpkin pie baking pan and getting it over with."
“I was wrapping up the manuscript when I realized I left out how humans calculate airfares. I plugged literally trillions of itineraries into travel sites looking for a pattern and I still can’t figure it out!”
It's just common logic.
Said one dissenter, "Although I am regularly content, and am cognizant of said emotion, I do not have the desire to demonstrate my glee with a public display of applause."
Headline By: Holly Love