“This trial was rigged,” one of the rioters told an Unsubscribed reporter as she spit out her tobacco and took selfies with herself rushing the judge’s bench and banging the gavel on the wrong end. “If we shuffle some papers around in here, we can get this verdict reversed. We owe it to Mr. Trump! He sent us here because if you can’t murder a black guy and get away with it, what is this country coming to?”
Major Keeps Biden People
The president’s German Shepherd sure is in the doghouse for this! He may be German but we did Nazi this coming. Dogocrats and Repuplicans alike believe this story is just a wag-the-dog tactic.
Is Rush Limbaugh Dead Or Is That What The Liberal Media Wants You To Believe?
QAnon Brothers and Sisters, here we go again. The Mean Stream Media is feeding us yet another lie – that one of our biggest heroes, Rush Limbaugh, is dead. What? Prove it. Why aren’t they showing pictures of his dead body? How come you can still hear Rush Limbaugh’s voice if you search for it on the Internet?
Trump To Bring Own Microphone To Tonight’s Debate
The president will be bringing to the debate stage the biggest, loudest, most fantastic microphone you’ve ever seen, so he can interrupt Biden many times, at any time, and all the time.
Trump Offers Covid $130,000 To Go Away
"Here's your check, coronavirus. We have a deal. You go away, you stay away, you pretend you never met me.”
GOP Uncovers Huge Conspiracy To Remove Trump Using “Ballots” From “Voters”
Republicans assert that something called “democracy” is being used to create a “fair election” which could result in “representative government.” These “votes” may be “counted” and produce a “valid outcome.” Investigators say this subversive operation could result in Americans living under the tyranny imposed by “constitutional rights.”
Senate Votes To Approve Still Unnamed Ninth Justice
“We’ve changed the rules so that as long as the person is conservative, which we already know they will be, they don’t need a hearing, or even a known identity,” said majority leader Mitch McConnell. If the President does not name the already-confirmed nominee this weekend, he/she will be appointed to the court using a cardboard cutout.
Taco Bell Further Streamlines Menu, Now Only Selling Bells
After cutting out their Mexican Pizza, pico de gallo, shredded chicken, 7-Layer Burrito, Nachos Supreme, the Beefy Fritos Burrito, and several other items from the menu, Taco Bell's CEO made the decisions to just sell bells. "Taco Bell means quality. With increased sanitation regulations, plant closures, and workers who can't be bothered to make a … Continue reading Taco Bell Further Streamlines Menu, Now Only Selling Bells
COMING SOON: Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs And Only Six Ventilators
At first Snow White seems most likely to choose Dopey or Sneezy to die, maybe even both, so she can use the extra ventilator as a nightstand. Click to read the plot summary exclusively obtained by Unsubscribed.
Biden Honors Promise To Pick Female VP By Choosing Obama In A Dress
Said Biden, “If it looks like a woman, and wears clothes like a woman, it’s a woman. Barry’ll also be talking in a high voice and wearing perfume, so he’ll even sound and smell like a woman. If you’re all gonna cling to the technicality of anatomical parts, don’t forget that I support adopting whatever gender identity you choose. And for the next eight years, my VP here chooses female.”