Trump Supporters Storm Chauvin Courtroom To Try And Reverse Verdict, Steal Gavel

“This trial was rigged,” one of the rioters told an Unsubscribed reporter as she spit out her tobacco and took selfies with herself rushing the judge’s bench and banging the gavel on the wrong end. “If we shuffle some papers around in here, we can get this verdict reversed. We owe it to Mr. Trump! He sent us here because if you can’t murder a black guy and get away with it, what is this country coming to?”

GOP Uncovers Huge Conspiracy To Remove Trump Using “Ballots” From “Voters”

Republicans assert that something called “democracy” is being used to create a “fair election” which could result in “representative government.” These “votes” may be “counted” and produce a “valid outcome.” Investigators say this subversive operation could result in Americans living under the tyranny imposed by “constitutional rights.”

Taco Bell Further Streamlines Menu, Now Only Selling Bells

After cutting out their Mexican Pizza, pico de gallo, shredded chicken, 7-Layer Burrito, Nachos Supreme, the Beefy Fritos Burrito, and several other items from the menu, Taco Bell's CEO made the decisions to just sell bells. "Taco Bell means quality. With increased sanitation regulations, plant closures, and workers who can't be bothered to make a … Continue reading Taco Bell Further Streamlines Menu, Now Only Selling Bells

Biden Honors Promise To Pick Female VP By Choosing Obama In A Dress

Said Biden, “If it looks like a woman, and wears clothes like a woman, it’s a woman. Barry’ll also be talking in a high voice and wearing perfume, so he’ll even sound and smell like a woman. If you’re all gonna cling to the technicality of anatomical parts, don’t forget that I support adopting whatever gender identity you choose. And for the next eight years, my VP here chooses female.”