GOP Uncovers Huge Conspiracy To Remove Trump Using “Ballots” From “Voters”

Republicans assert that something called “democracy” is being used to create a “fair election” which could result in “representative government.” These “votes” may be “counted” and produce a “valid outcome.” Investigators say this subversive operation could result in Americans living under the tyranny imposed by “constitutional rights.”

Taco Bell Further Streamlines Menu, Now Only Selling Bells

After cutting out their Mexican Pizza, pico de gallo, shredded chicken, 7-Layer Burrito, Nachos Supreme, the Beefy Fritos Burrito, and several other items from the menu, Taco Bell's CEO made the decisions to just sell bells. "Taco Bell means quality. With increased sanitation regulations, plant closures, and workers who can't be bothered to make a … Continue reading Taco Bell Further Streamlines Menu, Now Only Selling Bells

Biden Honors Promise To Pick Female VP By Choosing Obama In A Dress

Said Biden, “If it looks like a woman, and wears clothes like a woman, it’s a woman. Barry’ll also be talking in a high voice and wearing perfume, so he’ll even sound and smell like a woman. If you’re all gonna cling to the technicality of anatomical parts, don’t forget that I support adopting whatever gender identity you choose. And for the next eight years, my VP here chooses female.”

God Asks Fellow Deity, ‘Do These Creations Make Me Look Stupid?’

“Look at these people I made, especially the ones of genus ‘Dipshittius Americanus.’ I thought I’d endowed them with brains, common sense, diplomacy, insight, compassion – everything that comes standard in the ‘Decent Human Being’ upgrade package. Yet a lot of them are behaving like complete whack jobs. You’d think I downgraded them to the ‘Mother Fucking Asshole’ package.”