Washington D.C. In a surprising move to cement his own legacy and dismantle his predecessor, president Donald Trump resurrected Al-Qaeda leader, Osama Bin Laden, back from the dead after being killed by SEAL Team 6 back on May 6, 2011 by order of President Obama. The move received mix views for U.S. citizens with some … Continue reading Trump Further Undoes Obama Presidency By Resurrecting Osama Bin Laden
Clara Peller Rises From Grave To Address Wendy’s Beef Shortage
With as many as 20% of franchises unable to provide the beef, Clara feels she is needed now more than ever.
Trump Calmly Sips Disinfectant After Press Briefing
“Great flavor. Great flavor. They're doing wonderful things with this stuff. Orange flavor, lemon flavor. Do you believe this? Not me. I told them GET IT ON THE SHELVES the people NEED IT. And it tastes good! It really tastes great folks!”
COVID-19 Hoping To Fix Bad PR With Upcoming Appearance Hosting SNL
"I think people will see a whole different side of me when I host SNL next month. It’ll sure be different, given that usually you’re the host and I’m the, uh, guest."
Bernie Ordered To Double Social Distance After His Spit Lands Eleven Feet Away
Can't be too careful.
Warren Packs Battered Bloomberg In Suitcase And Heads To Next Campaign Event
Fresh off last night's debate, Elizabeth Warren was spotted this afternoon stuffing a bruised, whimpering Michael Bloomberg into a very sensible Samsonite suitcase. When asked by reporters what she was doing, Warren responded, "Sorry, I've signed a non-disclosure agreement." The suitcase is believed to have been purchased at a yard sale. By Paul Klingle, Photo … Continue reading Warren Packs Battered Bloomberg In Suitcase And Heads To Next Campaign Event
Not To Be Outdone By Gwyneth, Reese Witherspoon Releases Bubble Bath That Smells Like Her Dead Molar
She'll also be competing with Zooey Deschanel, who's developing a lotion that smells like her finger after she digs it around in the dimple above her buttcrack.
Big Pharma Recalls Defective Candidate
We figured we'd save the $400,000 in maintenance fees and just let the patent expire.
Boring Couple Has Gender Reveal Party Where Nobody Dies
"There was no gore, no action, and a weak plot. Guess you really do change after the first kid," said longtime friend and neighbor Allen Hopple, the faint pink frosting still visible in his mustache.
Unhinged Florida Man Live Tweets Own Federal Crime
Matt Gaetz: Fort Walton Beach resident, local crackpot.