It's all going to be okay. We can't worry about yesterday or tomorrow. All we have is right now, and right now is okay, I guess.
"Sure, young people aren't alarmed about the virus in its current form," said a researcher working out of China. "But if the genome mutates into Man COVID-19, we could be looking at a kind of suffering no one—especially our female scientists—could ever comprehend."
"My dad was a WWII vet, and he always talked about leaving a better world for future generations," said one Biden fan. "But as a man born between 1946 and 1964, I'm still trying to wrap my head around that concept."
A combination of brisk winter conditions, a new circulating infectious disease, and the immune system of a chrysanthemum has led to what police are describing as "a tragic death, but also a really bad call."
"You think I won’t break up more bands?" he shouted, his knitted sweater shaking with anger. "I broke up The Beatles while your parents were in diapers. NWA? That was me. I don't give a fuck. I'll break up the Stones too if I don't get the nomination."
"Our cashiers have been instructed to ask for donations at the end of every transaction," said store manager Anna Skinner. "They're really motivated to end world hunger, particularly because they themselves are very hungry."
"For too long, Mexico has been making a mockery of us by taking ordinary punctuation and literally flipping it upside-down. Today, we came together and told them that we're not going to put up with that kind of headfuckery anymore. We will fight to make sure that this decision, just like their exclamation marks, will never be overturned."
"Yes, we're having a few hiccups firing up the old computer and figuring out who voted for who. But in the end, it doesn't even matter who wins, because there's only one candidate who truly impressed us: you voters who came out and worked so hard to make your voices heard."
"It was so funny, Mom! We were all standing on the table quoting that Monty Python scene you love [while absolutely pinging on molly and coke], and then we all broke into song!"
I just refuse to be associated with such asshole supporters! It's for that reason I've decided to support a different candidate and abandon all my previous opinions about keeping poor people alive.